


Bruises

by SkyKathryn



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 13 years old to 18 years old, ALL THE CRYING, AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bathrooms, Best Friends, Bucky Barnes Feels, Capture, Crying, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Times, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Lingerie, Lingerie Kink, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Mutual Pining, PTSD, Pain, Painting, Panties Kink, PoW, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Prisoner of War, Romance, Serum, Sorry Sarah, Soulmate AU, Steve in lingerie, Stucky - Freeform, Time Passing, Torture, Under 18, War Fic, dr erskine - Freeform, im sorry baby boys, long fic, relationship, slrry sarah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-06-04 01:58:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6636424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyKathryn/pseuds/SkyKathryn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The soulmate phenomenon wasn’t a new thing, but it was a dying thing. Which was upsetting really because it could have been majorly fucking useful if, you know, Bucky’s parents weren’t mega important and hated their oldest son looking ‘scruffy’ because of the doodles all over his skin from the other. But hey, who can win? </p><p>They started years ago, when he was maybe five? He showed the signs earlier than most which really pissed his parents off, they thought he was drawing on himself and no no no their little boy was not that child. He paid attention in class, just not when his skin started tingling and little lines appeared all over the backs of his hands or inside of his wrists. He was smacked so often that he wrote back one day asking the other to stop. Which they did, for a while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. forever

The soulmate phenomenon wasn’t a new thing, but it was a dying thing. Which was upsetting really because it could have been majorly fucking useful if, you know, Bucky’s parents weren’t mega important and hated their oldest son looking ‘scruffy’ because of the doodles all over his skin from the other. But hey, who can win? 

They started years ago, when he was maybe five? He showed the signs earlier than most which really pissed his parents off, they thought he was drawing on himself and no no no their little boy was not that child. He paid attention in class, just not when his skin started tingling and little lines appeared all over the backs of his hands or inside of his wrists. He was smacked so often that he wrote back one day asking the other to stop. Which they did, for a while. 

Then the bruises started appearing on his own skin. Not from his parents’ punishment or his everyday life, he was left with no explanation for them, a boot shaped shadow painfully painted across his ribs one day or a black eye the next. He didn’t understand, this frustrated him. It was that first inexplicable black eye which really caused him problems; his parents sent him to a nurse but there was no preventing them. He was all but constantly plastered in make-up in case he suddenly got bruised at some meeting or social event, his family didn’t want the world thinking they were abusing him or that he was a freak. 

The soulmate phenomenon was more of a joke by the time he was fifteen, and he had to have his arms covered at all times, regardless of the heat, just to make sure he didn’t end up teased for having bruises or get the sad looks from teachers thinking he was being abused at home. As a result of this however, he was never pestered for homework or extra reading, the only upside to this entire disease. 

That’s what people called his version of the gene, a disease. 

Bucky hated knowing his Soulmate was being abused when he couldn’t do anything about it. 

***

It was lunch and Bucky noticed a commotion across the field, a few shouts from the standard class bully which caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand, so he strode over to Brock and his cronies. 

“Whatcha doing Brock?” He popped his hip and crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow at the man. He was wider than Bucky was but he knew from previous encounters that he was smarter so he wasn't worried. 

“Just teaching the new boy the way this place runs, run along Barnes.” Brock made a flicking motion with his hands and Bucky felt his arm tingle, the left one, the one that one of Brock’s possy was holding the new boy too tightly by. Suddenly Bucky’s fist connected with the bully’s jaw, breaking the sniggering. 

“And I guess you needed a lesson too. Now pick yourself up, leave the boy alone and run along Rumlow.” Bucky growled and the others ran, Brock spitting at his feet before scampering away. “Hey.” Bucky smiled at the boy, offering him a hand which was ignored as the smaller boy struggled to his feet. 

“I had him on the ropes.” The blond boy, pretty much half Bucky’s size every way, harrumphed, rubbing his wrist. 

“Sure you did.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “I'm James, most people call me Bucky though.” He offered a hand to shake but the kid just looked at it, at which point Bucky realised it was sunny, mid summer and he was wearing a long sleeve shirt and gloves, which yeah, looked kinda weird when you hadn’t seen it every day of school, and he pulled it back, jamming it in his pocket. 

“I’m Steve.” The blond shrugged, wincing where he landed on his back against the corner of the building earlier when Brock shoved him.

“Which class you in?” Bucky tried to make conversation but Steve didn’t seem to want it very much. Bucky ignored the twinge of sadness in the back of his chest, yes he did. 

“Mrs Dilbury after lunch.” Steve dragged the new timetable from his pocket and checked. Bucky plucked it from between his fingers, scanning the boxes and names. 

“You're in most of my classes actually, apart from P.E and I’m not in art, I’m in cooking. So yeah.” Bucky shrugged and handed it back, only to realised Steve was glaring at him. “What?” 

“Why are you being nice?” Steve shook his head, the glair falling. 

“Because I'm not an asshole?” Bucky offered, sighing dramatically. 

“Ok.” Steve shrugged, leading the way to his locker to grab his english stuff and his pencil case before they headed in as the bell rang. 

***

Bucky and Steve hung around most of the time, no one bothered Bucky, which meant no one really bothered Steve, unless he was alone, or wasn’t close enough in the hallways, and   
Steve ignored the way his skin tingled whenever they ended up bumping into each other or he was hauled up by the bigger boy, oh yes he did. But he still hated that Bucky never took his gloves off. A couple of years passed, the two becoming inseparable in school, then college, but somehow never wound up in each other’s houses. 

Bucky had noticed the bruising on him had almost stopped, but the small doodles came back, little flowers so intricately drawn he wished he could have them tattooed permanently and not just for a few days or until it was scrubbed out and redrawn. Bucky way admiring these flowers one day walking to school, hand rarely exposed but they were on the back of his wrist so if he bent his hand too far they were visible between the layers anyway, when the accident happened. 

He had checked both ways, stepped into the road, when suddenly a motorbike was hurtling at him and he didn’t have time to jump out of the way. It collided with his left side, hard enough to send him flying down the road. He was unconscious by the time he finally hit the ground. 

***

 

“James!” His mother was hysterical when he came around, clutching the sheets as the road rash all over his body made him too sore to touch. “Oh my baby.” She leaned over to kiss his forehead where it was exposed. 

“Ma?” He blinked at her, pain meds making his head swim, and tried to focus. “What?” He croaked out. 

“I'll call a doctor.” She flustered, pressing the button by his bed more than strictly necessary. A nice, but slightly irritated, looking nurse walked in. 

“Mrs Barnes what seems to be the problem?” She smiled then turned to Bucky who coughed. “Oh hello James, nice to meet you. Im Sarah, I’ve been your nurse, I’ll call a doctor but for now if you want to sip some of that water you are more than welcome.” Her face completely changed and he suddenly felt at ease. 

“Here baby.” His mother offered him the drink which he took without fuss. 

 

His father came by a while later, after finishing work, beaming when he saw James sat up, reading a book his mother had bought. 

“Thank god.” He dropped his brief case and patted the top of Bucky’s shoulder, it was exposed so he didn’t hit any of the rash. 

“I mean it’s a big job to fill but if you insist.” Bucky joked and his father nearly cried. “Hey Dad it's ok.” Bucky smiled, regretting the pain it caused from the cuts on his jaw, but happy to appease his father. 

“You Punk.” He coughed to save face and sat down in the chair his wife had filled not two hours earlier to go look after the other children. 

“What happened?” Bucky had been afraid to ask his mother who’d had melt downs twice already that morning. 

“You were hit by a motorcyclist. Hit and run apparently, though I don’t know how he could have flung you that far up the road and not have taken damage himself.” His Father explained, bringing his hand up to rub his eyes. “Sent you down the road, he smashed into your left side, hence the cast, and you slid along the tarmac, hence the rash.”

“I had wondered.” Bucky looked at his arm, wrapped in a cast, no way of seeing how much damage had been done, but the rash was hideous, red and angry even with the medicine helping there was a dull ache. He didn’t want to find out how it reacted to a shower. 

“You’ll be ok son.” His father tried to smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

“Dad?” Bucky pressed, eyebrows coming together. 

“They don’t know if you will be able to use your arm, they have nailed and splinted it and it’s healing but the damage to the muscles. Son I don’t, I’m sorry… we tried. We tried everything but they won't know until it is healed.” He sobbed, reaching to take Bucky’s right hand. Bucky was still. He didn’t like the idea of an arm he couldn’t use. He couldn’t ride without it. He couldn’t work out, he couldn’t fight, he couldn’t…

“Bucky!” Steve pounded into the room, chest heaving and he doubled over to catch his breath. 

“Steve you idiot, why were you running?” Bucky leaned forward, wanting to rub Steve's back and realising he couldn’t get close enough. 

“Who’s this James?” His father raised an eyebrow and Bucky smiled. 

“This is Steve.” He patted the bed and Steve hopped up next to his cast, offering a hand to shake which his father took. 

“Nice to meet you Mr Barnes.” Steve smiled and his father visibly relaxed. 

“Nice to meet you too Steve. I’ll leave you be.” He stood up and walked out. Steve turned to his friend and shook his head. 

“And just what were you thinking?” Steve wanted to slap him upside the head. 

“I was literally attacked.” Bucky tried to reason. 

“Even I could hear him coming and I was the other side of the road.” Steve slammed his eyes shut, shuddering at the memory. “You went like a rag doll.”

“There’s some masculine imagery.” Bucky winced and then shook his head. “Sorry Stevie.”

“Don’t ‘Sorry Stevie’ me I wasn’t allowed to see you for over a week! They kept me from you, do you have any idea how boring school is? Any idea?” Steve smiled gently after pointing an accusatory finger at him before running it down the cast. 

“You can paint it if you like?” Bucky offered, knowing what that wistful look meant. 

“That would be nice, anything you want on it?” Steve smiled warmly up at him, dark lashes far to long for a boy but still perfect for Steve… Bucky had to shake his head to dispel the thoughts. 

“Give me a Steve Rogers Extravaganza.” Bucky laughed, trying to hide the blush in his cheeks. 

“Steven Grant Rogers whatever are you doing?” Sarah was stood in the doorway, arms crossed and a stern expression on her usually so cheerful face. 

“Ma, I came to see Bucky.” He pouted. Bucky coughed. 

“Nurse Sarah is your mother?” Bucky pulled the covers higher.

“Yes?” Steve raised an eyebrow. 

“She's seen me naked!” Bucky hissed and Sarah laughed gently from the doorway. 

“The kids want to see you Steve. They want finger painting today.” She called, leaning over to ruffle her son’s hair. “See you boys soon.” 

“Kids?” Bucky was still blushing when Steve turned back to him. 

“Yeah, I come to do art and crafts with the kids ward every week.” Steve shrugged and sighed, reaching out to move some of Bucky’s hair out of his grey eyes. “Get better and you can come join us.” 

“I’d stick everything to the children, not the paper, and you know it.” Bucky laughed and Steve followed suit. 

“They would love you.” Steve reassured him. “However I do have to go to them, I’ll be back after?” 

“Sure. Have fun.” Bucky laughed, waving his friend off as he backed out the door. 

***

Bucky was sat in his bed alone, thinking back. He had noticed a pattern. An erratic one but a pattern all the same. Once a week his inner wrist would tickle and it looked like thick paint was spread in lines over his right one, that was happening now. The tingling was numbing the pain of his rash as they painted themselves down the inside and he smiled at the vibrancy he realised was kid’s poster paint. It wasn’t the usual niceness that his Soulmate used, it was just bright and hard to control and he loved that more than anything else he got. He fell asleep with a smile. 

***  
Steve walked in a few hours later, covered in paint and smiling to find Bucky somehow was too. He was asleep and it looked like tattooed colour stripes and dips covered his right arm, and along his cheek where Steve had been attacked by a particularly energetic three-year-old with blue paint. Suddenly the room felt too small. Bucky always wore his skin covered, and more often than not he had noticed a strange, make-up like sheen on his friend’s face. Was he ashamed? Did he not believe in Soulmates? Steve sat down, swallowing hard and rested his head in his hands. He wouldn't say anything. He couldn’t. If Bucky went to all that trouble to hide his skin, he clearly didn’t want Steve. Getting up he dashed to the bathroom, scrubbing the paint from his skin and definitely not crying. 

 

“Steve?” Bucky had woken by the tingling on his cheek and the sound of his personal bathroom being used. 

“One tick.” Steve called back, voice kind of cracking and he heard the soap drop. Bucky got out of bed, feeling better after the Soulmate magic cause his skin to light up pleasantly and pushed the door open. 

“Stevie?” He stopped when he caught the sight of Steve’s face and his own in the mirror.

“You probably shouldn’t be out of bed.” Steve mumbled, dropping his eyes and putting the soap in it's holder. 

“Stevie?” Bucky stepped forward, ignoring how red and angry his side and cheek looked, hating the chunkiness of his cast, and stood as close as he dared to the other from behind. He traced his finger down the blue streak on Steve cheek and smiled, resting the good side of his face on the others shoulder, his own matching streak in full view. 

“I get it if you don’t want me, trust me I wouldn’t, but I mean we know now and.” Bucky cut   
Steve off, squeezing his fingers gently because of the pain there and shook his head. 

“Don’t be stupid.” Bucky sighed, blinking slowly. 

“But you hide your skin all the time.” Steve was aiming for strong, it came out more hurt. 

“Because somebody picks fights and people get scared when you're talking to them and suddenly there is a bruise literally blossoming on your arm in front of them.” Bucky explained gently, running his better hand up Steve’s arm. “Why do you think I keep you as much out of trouble as I can?”

“You knew?” Steve swallowed thickly. All the hair on his body was standing on end. 

“I had suspected. But I didn’t want to scare you.” Bucky shrugged and winced. 

“Stop hurting yourself else my Mother will lynch me.” Steve finally turned around, wanting nothing more than to curl into the warm body in front of him. 

“I'm not having that.” Bucky smiled his cocky smile that never failed to make Steve’s knees weak and settled on resting his forehead against his shoulder again. “When I’m better I’m giving you the biggest fucking hug.” Bucky laughed. 

“I’m good with that.” Steve smiled, trying not to move too much. 

“Bed please.” Bucky yawned, tugging on Steve’s little finger. 

“You go I'll finish washing up.” He smiled, blue eyes shining in a way Bucky’s heart jumped. 

“You don’t like it?” Bucky mocked having a heart attack, clutching at his chest dramatically. 

“I can think of better designs.” Steve ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair, tip toeing so he could reach. 

“When you come back you are doing that again.” Bucky nuzzled his hand gently then got back into bed. 

***

 

When Winifred walked in later that afternoon she found her son curled up on the bed playing cards with some blond boy. 

“Who’s this James?” She placed the basket of food down on the small table. 

“Steve Rogers Ma’am.” He jumped in before Bucky could introduce him, offering a hand and kissing the top of her fingers politely. 

“Well with manners like that I suppose he can stay.” She laughed. “Winifred Barnes.”

“Ah Mrs Barnes.” Sarah walked in, carrying a clip board. “How are the smaller ones?”

“Good thank you Sarah. Wanting their brother home.” She leaned over and kissed Bucky’s forehead. 

“Well he’s healing well, after a couple more tests he can go home later if you want?” Sarah offered, smiling wide. 

“That sounds delightful.” She beamed, nodding frantically. 

“Good, without Steve here I have the feeling James would be going stir crazy.” Sarah laughed and the boys did too. She gave them a knowing smile and winked earning two groans and laughed at them. “Don’t give all your tricks away Stevie.” 

“What tricks? He’s wiping the floor with me.” Steve moaned, smiling at Bucky who nodded. 

“He truly is terrible.” Bucky snorted, laying his cards face down. 

“How do you two know each other?” His mother asked, sitting on the edge of bed. 

“School. Steve?” She gave him a blank look. “The one Brock was picking on?” 

“Oh no Brock is a lovely boy; you're painting him in a bad light.” She waved her hand and Bucky rolled his eyes, placing his hand over Steve’s when it clenched into a fist. 

“Yeah, no.” Bucky shook his head only to be waved off again. 

“Anyway, any chance of getting the tests done sooner rather than later?” She smiled at Sarah who was clearly struggling to keep her thoughts to herself. 

“I’ll see what I can do.” 

***

 

“Brock is an asshole.” Steve growled when Winnie went out to talk to the doctor. 

“You are correct.” Bucky agreed, desperate for contact but not wanting to hurt himself. 

“Why?” He gestured towards Bucky’s mother. 

“Dad works with his Father, so we ended up doing things together growing up, the women's committee or something. It's a pain but of course he can do no wrong in my mother’s eyes.” He rummaged through the basket, finding a bar of chocolate and opening it, handing Steve the first piece.

“That sucks.” Steve sighed, grabbing his pencil and coming to Bucky’s left side, continuing the sketch of flowers around a star that he had started earlier on the cast. It was only a pencil sketch but it was looking good. 

“Yeah it does.” Bucky leaned back, moving when Steve asked and let him work in quiet, feeding him chocolate and watching as his tongue peaked out between his lips and smiling gently at the boy when he wasn’t looking. 

***

“What do you mean?” Whinnies voice was shrill enough to pierce through the door making both boys jump. “He’s seventeen!” 

“That doesn’t mean anything and you should by now understand that.” A doctor was trying to calm her and Bucky craned his neck to see out of the glass, Steve doing the same. 

“Now Mrs Barnes.” The doctor tried to calm her as she paced. 

“We’re the higher earning family Doctor, tradition states that we should take on his Mate but I am not willing to do that. He stays covered up for a reason.” She growled, eyes flashing in Sarah’s direction as she came out of another room. “This is all your fault!” 

“Winifred!” His father stood up, two younger sisters in tow, and stopped his wife short. “Kids, James is in there, go to him.” He pushed the girls forward who ran into the door, helpfully leaving it ajar and jumped on the bed, stopping just short of touching him. 

“Hey girls.” He smiled at them. “This is Steve. Steve this is Becca and Lacy.”

“Hey girls.” He smiled at them and they waved, pulling the colouring books out of their bags and getting to work. 

“Not here Winnie.” His father grabbed her arm and she shook him off, rounding on Steve’s mother again. 

“No. You with your little runt of a child caused this. I for one am not taking him into our home.” She hissed and Sarah shrugged tiredly. 

“Then I’ll take James.” She offered, leaning on one leg. She had discussed at no short length how his mother would react with Bucky’s father in secret this morning and had agreed this may be the best course of action. 

“No!” She shouted. “James is my son before he is someones pet!” She shouted and both boys flinched, little Lacy started to fuss so Steve offered her a hug in place of her brother and she curled up in his lap.

“So you keep them apart and they fall ill.” His father sighed, resisting the urge to groan. “Stop making a scene Winnie.”

“She wants to take our son away!” She hissed at him. 

“And you won't look after hers. You know tradition, you know the scandal if he falls ill with Soulmate Sickness. There will be no return.” He pointed out, playing her but not regretting it. 

“They haven't bonded yet he won’t fall sick.” She shuddered. “James is used to luxury a nurse can't provide.” She spat. 

“Winifred apologise. Now.” His father instructed and she huffed, pointing her chin up and squaring her shoulders at him. 

“Why? It’s the truth.” She glared at Sarah and Bucky decided he wanted to intervene. 

“If that’s your opinion I’ll go with the Rogers’ thanks.” He shouted with a wave as his Mothers face dropped like a sake of potatoes. 

“What?! No you are not.” She growled pointing a manicured finger at him, eyes like thunder. 

“Why would you being nasty make me want to stay?” He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, using Steve’s chair to hoist himself up, tugging on a jumper as he did, ignoring the burning sensation it caused. 

“You are my son!” She seemed to realise she had lost. 

“Sarah, are you ok taking me on?” Bucky hobbled over to them, using his father to prop himself up on his cast. 

“Yes James. I think you’d be a wonderful addition to the family.” She smiled warmly at him and he nodded back. 

“Am I allowed Father?” He looked up at his father who nodded, pressing a kiss to his scalp. 

“I think it's for the best.” He sighed. 

“Then it’s settled.” Sarah smiled at him and Bucky lifted his better hand for her to shake, which she did so gently he hardly felt it. 

“Thank you Mrs Rogers.” He sighed then turned to his sisters who were tugging on his trousers. 

“You aren’t coming home are you?” Becca looked so distraught, thumb in her mouth and eyes big and grey like his. 

“I will at some point princess, just not right now. I’ll come take you out when I'm better though.” He ruffled her hair and tried not to wince when both girls attached themselves to his legs. 

“Wuv you Buck Buck.” Lacy whined into his leg and he leant to kiss her head. 

“Love you too girls.” He tried to give them one handed hugs and held back the sudden tears that filled his eyes. 

“There are clothes for you in the basket your mother bought. Go get dressed whilst we do paperwork? Can Steven help you?” His father offered, closer than he'd admit to crying. 

“Sure.” Steve was at his side in seconds, his warmth reassuring and smile genuine. 

“Thank you.” He smiled and then led the others away. 

“You ok?” Steve wrapped his hand around an undamaged piece of arm and squeezed gently. 

“Not sure right now.” Bucky leaned into him, head finding it’s spot on his shoulder and wincing. 

“I got you Buck.” Steve reassured, helping him sit down so he was low enough for Steve to take his bed shirt off. Bucky wanted to hide his body but in the end decided there was no point really. Steve held in the gasp at the state of his friend, the angry bruising and cuts, the burns he had noticed on his own skin were nothing compared to the ones he was looking at. 

“I can struggle if you’d rather not look?” Bucky offered, biting his lip hard. 

“No no no. I have them, yours are just worse.” Steve lifted the right side of his top and Bucky winced at the red patch on the ghostly pale skin. 

“Sorry Stevie.” Bucky gripped the top and held tight as he dared, wanting to throw himself against the smaller boy. 

“Shhh I got you come on.” He held the shirt up and wrestled the other into it as gently as possible. 

***

 

“Home.” Sarah sighed as she opened the door, both boys following her into the apartment. It was small, enough for two people but maybe a bit of a squeeze for three. Bucky loved it the instant he registered how homey it was. 

“It's not fancy but it’s home.” Steve shrugged, dropping Bucky’s small bag of stuff by the door and kneeling to undo the taller boy’s shoes and help him out of them. 

“It's perfect.” Bucky smiled at him and slipped from his jacket, hanging it on the coat hook. 

“Right, you two here please.” Sarah called from the front room and Steve led the way. 

“What's up Ma?” Steve sat on the plushy couch opposite the arm chair, resisting the urge to lean on Bucky. 

“Rules.” She sat down in the chair. “Help yourself to food, but if it has a sticker on it it's for an occasion. Don’t spend too long in the shower. Don’t leave the seat up, replace loo roll when you finish it.” She spared a quick mock glare at her son who shrugged. “Underwear if you’re out of your room. I get you won't want your rash covered more than it has to be Bucky so don’t feel self conscious of it. Keep each other out of trouble. You will each have weekly chores.” She smiled at them over the cup of tea in her hands. 

“That sounds fair.” Bucky nodded. He was seventeen now, he could handle rules. 

“Sleeping arrangements.” She raised an eyebrow at the boys. “You can share Steve’s room, there are two beds in there but you have to keep an eye on him. His breathing can get so bad in the winter I have to sleep in there. I’m passing that responsibility to you Bucky.” Sarah explained. “We’ll show you what to do, just look after him ok?” She pleaded with her eyes and smiled with her mouth and Bucky nodded. 

“Always do Ma’am.” Bucky nodded. “However I think its gonna be the other around for a few weeks.”

“That’s ok.” She smiled and patted his good knee. “That’s all I got.” She got up to grab something to eat, pausing in the doorway to the kitchen. “No loud, or unprotected, sex.”

“Mmmmmaaaaaaa.” Steve shouted earning a laugh from the kitchen as both boys blushed from head to toe. 

“Well do you want to see where you are sleeping or is the idea of being in a bedroom just too much?” Steve laughed, looking up through his lashes at the taller. 

“I think being in a separate county sounds good.” Bucky stood and winced, nearly loosing his balance and catching himself at last minute.

“I think you’d hurt yourself more if you were.” Steve joked, leading him to the first door in the hallway. It was a sizeable room for an apartment, two single beds about a metre apart, big window letting natural light filter in, a chest of draws and a chest at the foot of one bed. Two side tables next to the beds held lamps and things scattered around. 

“This is nice.” Bucky commented, watching Steve flop onto the bed closest to the door. “You’re not the window one?”

“Messes up my chest in the winter.” Steve shook his head, sitting back up. “That ok?”

“More than ok.” Bucky planted himself down. “Do you mind?” He tugged at the bottom of his shirt, the rash was rubbing and irritating him. 

“Go for it.” Steve leaned over to help him manoeuvre it over the cast. 

“Thanks.” Bucky smiled self consciously. 

“Seriously? The all mighty ladies man James Barnes, known for taking a girl for the best night of her life and never seeing her again, is reduced to blushing by little old me helping him when he is in need?” Steve teased, smiling to cover the blush over his cheeks. Regardless of the state of his skin Bucky was still gorgeous and he couldn’t look past that. 

“Shut up Punk. Your opinion actually matters.” Bucky huffed, hair falling forward without its usual gel to keep it in place. 

“And if that’s the case how can I compete with that?” Steve raised an eyebrow and gestured to Bucky whose eyes sharpened like knives. “What? When you’re near no-one looks twice at me, not that they do when you're not there.” 

“Then they are fucking idiots.” Bucky shook his head angrily, ignoring the pain. “You are so much prettier than any of those girls out there Stevie.” Bucky sucked in his bottom lip. “Trust me I’ve looked. I've looked fucking hard Steve and no one has ever come near, regardless of them being male or female. You are beautiful Stevie.” 

“Aw you make it sound like you’ve imagined me in lingerie.” Steve joked, trying to lighten the anger in the dark haired boy, but instead it was replaced with a dark red blush. “Oh really?”

“If I say handsome are you gonna drop it?” Bucky blinked up, eyes pleading but the smile gave him away completely. 

“Hmmmm, nope.” Steve laughed, getting up and ruffling Bucky’s hair as he went to grab the others bag. 

“Damnit.” He heard the curse behind him and laughed. 

***

 

After a couple of weeks of not being able to sleep on his back Bucky threw himself down on his bed with a happy sigh. 

“Someone’s happy.” Steve laughed, looking up from his sketchbook. 

“My shower didn’t hurt, and I slept well, bar you snoring, my sisters sent me pictures and I am in a good mood. Is that so bad?” Bucky made grabby motions at Steve who dived from his bed and into Bucky’s arms, letting himself wrap as close as he could with the cast still on. “That’s better.” 

“I agree.” Steve pressed his nose into Bucky’s neck and inhaled, stomach fluttering at the scent of fresh washed Soulmate. 

“I've wanted this for months.” The elder nuzzled his hair, breathing deeply and closing his eyes contently. 

“Whatever will we do when your cast comes off?” Steve teased and felt the other tense. “Buck?”

“They said it may not be able to be used.” Bucky tried to shrug it off but Steve shook his head. 

“Course it will, even if it can't we’ll deal with it.” Steve nuzzled back into his spot, feeling the other relax again. 

“You're just a little ball of positive energy.” Bucky laughed, squeezing him tighter. 

“I’m your opposite, of course I am.” Steve laughed, feeling all the aches from being bent over his book. Bucky automatically started massaging between his shoulders, a habit they had formed in the last years, and Steve hummed happily. 

“Yeah yeah.” Bucky let his lips linger on Steve’s cheek but it couldn’t be called a kiss, be still his beating heart. 

“Yeah.” Steve yawned against him and snuggled into his body. 

***

“Come on Buck.” He splashed water on his face, wiggling the fingers under the cast and wincing. It still hurt months later but god he wanted to get rid of the thing. 

“You ok Buck?” Steve knocked on the bathroom door and Bucky wiped his face off, opening it with a sorry excuse for a smile. “You'll be fine.”

“Keep saying that.” Bucky laughed then picked his coat up. “Lets go.” He offered his good hand for Steve to hold once the door was shut. 

“Always.” Steve slid their fingers together and all but skipped to the bus stop. 

“What are you so happy about?” Bucky laughed, pulling the skinnier man between his legs as he sat on the seat under the shelter. It was raining lightly and no one else was around. He wrapped his good arm around the skinny waist presented to him and smiled up at him. 

“I get a proper hug today.” Steve admitted, blushing and laughing at himself. 

“Oh I like the sound of that.” Bucky looked over as the bus pulled up, grabbing the seat in the isle so Steve could sit next to the window and sketch. 

“You’re too good Bucky.” Steve laughed, settling with Bucky’s arm around his shoulders as he pulled the mini book out of his bag and a pencil. 

“Nah, only to you.” He winked and earned a head shake as the pink tongue slipped out from between plump lips, pencil moving quickly over the page. Bucky took the opportunity to just look at his Soulmate. He was so pretty, big blue eyes, too long lashes, blond hair curling just below his ears, it needed cutting but money was tight, hands lithe over the paper as it clutched the pencil with very little force. Bucky realised at that point that even if he wasn’t bonded with him he would still love Steven Rogers. He didn’t mind that fact. 

 

“James.” His father was waiting outside the hospital and pulled him into a bear hug before he even got the chance to greet him. 

“Heya.” James squeaked out, laughing in happiness as he pulled back. 

“Damn the house is quiet without you.” He laughed, ruffling his hair. “You need a haircut.”

“I’ll agree there.” Bucky nodded, reaching back for Steve who had stepped out of the way of the family reunion. 

“You don’t get to escape.” His father grabbed Steve for a quick hug and ruffled his hair affectionately. They had met for coffee as a group with the girls a few times, though his mother still refused to talk to him. Steve had decided he liked Bucky’s father the moment he sided with Steve getting Bucky full time, but he had only grown in affection since then.

“Heya.” Steve followed the others into the hospital, waving at the lady at the desk and catching the sweets that were chucked at him, handing one to Bucky as they made their way to the third floor  
***

“Mr Barnes.” A smiley man greeted them, explaining how the cast would come off and demonstrating that the tool couldn’t cut his skin. Bucky clutched Steve’s hand slightly too tight with nerves but he didn’t complain. Bucky didn’t look away from a spot on the far wall the entire time either. 

“This looks promising.” The Doctor nodded, picking up the arm which Bucky was making an avid point of not moving and checking for any more problems. “Can you wiggle your fingers?”

“Buck?” Bucky was shaking and Steve leaned over to press his hand to the side of his face. “Hey Bucky. Can you wiggle your fingers for us?”

“What if I can’t?” Bucky whispered to him, panic flooding his face as it turned to him. 

“We’ll deal with that if it comes to it.” Steve pointed out and Bucky closed his eyes, making all five fingers flick up and down with minimal wincing. “There we go, see? No problem.” Steve beamed and a weak smile came across the others face. 

“There is some muscle wastage, and scarring but we can give you some exercises and cream. You'll be good.” The Doctor smiled, letting Bucky look over at the mess of scars and red angry lines over his arm. 

“Why doesn’t he have this?” Bucky looked back at Steve who pulled his sleeve up. 

“I do, I just don’t show your injuries as well as you do mine.” Steve assured him, showing off the faint red marks on his pale skin. 

“Well now I feel guilty for marking you.” Bucky huffed, letting his now free arm drop to his side. 

“The amount I’ve done to you? Give over.” Steve laughed, squeezing the fingers.

“I'll give you that.” Bucky smiled then turned to his father. “What's the plan?” 

“Barbers. Then dinner. Then home?” He asked, bringing Steve into the decision with a raised eyebrow. 

“Yes Sir!” James mock saluted and got off the table, thanking the doc before they got into the Roller out the front. 

***

 

“Don’t you two look fancy?” Sarah whistled as they walked in, freshly cut hair and smiles that made her heart melt just a little. 

“Dad took us out.” James kissed Sarah’s cheek in greeting, going to make coffee for them both without needing telling, more than happy to have his arm back. 

“Very fancy.” She smiled at her son who flopped down for a hug and held him close. “You ok?”

“Yeah.” Steve smiled at her and held her tighter before taking his mug from his friend. “This isn’t coffee?”

“It's hot chocolate.” Bucky handed a mug to Sarah who raised both eyebrows. “Dad gave me some more of my stuff, including my favourite hot chocolate. So enjoy.” Bucky grabbed his own and curled up, drawing the other back into the space between the sofa and his legs, back on his chest. 

“Well thank you James.” Sarah ruffled his hair as she sipped, a moan of appreciation escaping her lips. 

“This is so good.” Steve groaned, head tipping back to land on Bucky’s shoulder. 

“The little coffee shop in town used to be my favourite place, every day Dad picked me up and we’d go. We found out after a while they sell their blends, so I go this and he got the hazelnut coffee. It's so cute.” Bucky slipped his spare arm around Steve’s waist, sipping slowly so he didn’t burn his tongue. 

“Tastes expensive.” Steve pointed out and Bucky shrugged. 

“Is. But it's worth it.” Bucky nuzzled into his neck happily.

“Is there alcohol in this?” Sarah looked into the cup suspiciously.

“Bailey’s.” Bucky admitted. “Makes it even better.” 

“You trying to get me drunk for work?” She rolled her eyes dramatically.

“Not enough to got you drunk, I was good I promise!” He defended, laughing with her as   
Steve glared at the mug. “It won't bite.”

“Not yet.” Steve eyed him warily. 

“Just enjoy it.” Bucky poked his cheek with the end of his nose and Steve gave in, downing the rest of the mug. “Or do that.” 

“Dear God we stand no chance when he decides to have a relationship with alcohol.” Sarah laughed, pinching her son’s cheek. 

“It was good.” Steve giggled, curling up against his warmth. 

“Right boys I'm out.” She kissed both boys’ cheeks and stood, finishing her drink and heading to the door. 

“Night Ma!” Steve called.

“Be safe Sarah!” Bucky yelled, hearing the door shut quietly. 

“How you feeling?” Steve prodded the arm and traced over the scars. 

“Not bad.” James pressed it to Steve’s cheek, happy to be able to feel the skin there. “Better for having you.”

“Sap.” Steve rolled his eyes but turned so he was planted over Bucky’s lap, leg either side and arms around his shoulders. 

“You love it.” Bucky ran both hands up his thighs, warming the skin through the material. 

“A little bit, just a little, like a smidgin.” He held two fingers barely a centimetre apart and Bucky laughed at him, lacing their fingers together. 

“Not any more than that?” He made his eyes as big as he could, pushing his lower lip out and tilting his face down enough to have to look up through his lashes, not as effective as Steve’s but it got the job done. Steve’s breath stuttered and Bucky took that as his cue to move his hand to the base of the others spine, moving him closer and sliding his fingers up the chest offered to him, curling his entire hand over the side of his face. Steve leaned into the touch like he had been starved of it, eyes fluttering shut and mouth dropping open to take a deep breath. 

“A little more.” He whispered, shivering as Bucky’s breath ghosted over his lips, whimper in the back of throat. Bucky bit the bullet and leaned the whole way, eyes closing automatically as his lips collided with the soft offering in front of him, closed and pliant but Steve got with the program quickly, curling his fingers in the front of the others shirt and letting his lips part slightly and tilt to the side, giving his other more room to take charge. Bucky’s hand on his spine pressed their bodies closer together and he let his moan escape, only to have it drowned out by Steve’s own noise. 

“A lot. I love it a lot.” Steve sighed as they broke apart, eyes still closed but foreheads pressed together. 

“Good.” Bucky suddenly picked Steve up, wrapping his legs around his waist and carrying him to their room, kissing his shoulder and down his neck so he could see where he was going. 

“You're going to hurt yourself.” Steve squeaked as his back was pressed against the wall next to the door. 

“You weigh nothing.” Bucky claimed his mouth again, hands under his ass and Steve's hands in his hair, clinging tight to him as his tongue slipped between warm lips, breathing heavy as small whimpers escaped his mouth, melting onto Bucky’s tongue like the expensive chocolate his sister like so much. Bucky in that second didn’t understand how they hadn’t been doing this for years. He pulled them away from the wall, pressing Steve into the closest mattress and crowding over the top of him, feeling the skin and clothes under him as his mouth claimed down Steve’s throat and pushed his t-shirt out of the way in favour of kissing up his flat stomach. 

“Buck.” Steve moaned as his teeth grazed one of his overly exposed hipbones and Bucky bit down gently, earning a louder moan and hands tangling in his hair. 

“I got you Stevie.” Bucky sucked love bites as low as he could along his hips, stopping when he hit the waistband, moving across his lower stomach and up his other hip, fingers working at the button until it gave. Steve squeaked above him and tugged at Bucky’s hair until he came back up to kiss his lips, hands fumbling to get his trousers off and kicked his own away at the same time. “Stevie.” Bucky moaned, hands skimming down his body and stopping abruptly. 

“Buck?” Steve blinked his eyes open to see Bucky biting his lip looking down between them.

“Wanna tell me something?” Bucky’s eyes were almost black, finger hooking in the top of the lacy black underwear around Steve’s slender hips. 

“I hadn’t realised this would be happening?” Steve lied and felt the way the lace shifted as the other pressed his hand down on the cock barely encased within the fabric. 

“Bullshit yes you did. You sneaky Punk.” Bucky growled, pouncing on his lips with a new hunger, teeth clashing quickly as he moved to get rid of both of their shirts, hand splaying across his abdomen, stretching over the whole width and making Steve shudder. 

“Do you like it?” Steve scratched down Bucky’s back, enjoying the way the feeling was copied on his own skin. 

“Fuck yes Baby.” Bucky kissed him, tongue sliding in before he could complain, which he wasn’t anyway, but Steve was embarrassingly close to having a problem. “You are sexy, I don't tell you that often enough but fuck Stevie, look at you.” He pulled back and eyed him up and down, smirking at the marks that covered his skin. 

“Why would I be looking at myself right now?” Steve smirked, finger disappearing in the top of Bucky’s blue boxers. 

“I prefer my view.” Bucky pressed down, almost flat against the smaller man but not completely on his chest to keep his breathing ok, and ground his hips down as he nipped down his neck and jaw. 

“Buck.” Steve moaned and Bucky repeated the motion, breathing heavy against his skin until he claimed his mouth, whimpering with him as the friction between them started getting top much. 

“Stevie.” Bucky sucked on his lower lip. “Stevie please.” 

“Please what?” Steve heaved a breath but it wasn’t rattling so Bucky decided he was ok. 

“Please tell me you're close because if you’re not I’m in trouble.” Bucky admitted, hips slowing only to be flipped, more by surprise than strength, to be under Steve. 

“Oh we are both in trouble.” Steve smirked, pinning one of Bucky’s hands above his head and rocking into him, moaning into his mouth as they kissed as if the world was ending. 

“Good.” He shoved his free hand between the layers separating them, curling his hand around Steve under the lace and pumping him in time with his movement where he was sat square over Bucky’s dick, the member nestled between his legs. It took all of three seconds and he watched Steve arch back, hips bucking erratically and warm liquid escaped through the fabric and over his hand. His mouth was open, a low long whine slipping from the space, eyes shut so his eyelashes were fanned out over his cheeks and suddenly Bucky felt himself cumming with an unusual force, shouting Steve’s name as his body arched them both off of the bed. When they hit the mattress again Steve collapsed on top of him and only allowed Bucky to remove his hand before snuggling down and catching his breath against the others skin. 

“Fuck Stevie.” Bucky turned to kiss his cheek and dropped his head back down, curling around the boy on top of him. 

“Not again yet.” Steve sassed, out of breath but smiling as Bucky rolled his eyes at him and kissed him gently. 

“Punk.”

“You love it.” 

***

“Clean.” Bucky felt something tickle his neck and tried to bat it away. “Ow.” His eyes opened quickly, registering that it was Steve on top of him not an animal. 

“Shit sorry Baby.” Bucky cuddled him close and kissed his cheek. “What did you want?” 

“Shower.” Steve nipped at his chin, the few day old scruff tickling his lips as he hummed against him. 

“You go first baby.” Bucky released him but he wouldn't move. “Huh?”

“Come with.” Steve instructed, standing up, wincing at the feeling of dried cum but still looking gorgeous enough that Bucky didn’t question him, just got up and followed. 

“What time is it?” Bucky yawned as the water heated up, wrapping himself around Steve.

“Just before midnight.” He assured, leaning back as he started kissing down his neck. “Did you have fun?” He raised an eyebrow in the mirror, the lines of love bites bright against his pale skin. 

“Yes I did Stevie.” Bucky nodded, tracing the marks with his fingers, peeling the underwear away carefully as he kissed over the shoulder in front of him. Steve resister the urge to curl up and hide. This was his Bucky, his Soulmate. He didn’t have to be worried about being naked. He had initiated it. “Relax baby I got you.” Bucky soothed, stroking over his arm with his other hand and turning to face him, pressing both hands to his cheeks in a slow kiss that made his toes curl. 

“Ready?” He whispered, tugging Bucky’s pants down and making sure the window was cracked so his blood pressure wouldn’t spike.

“Get in baby.” He helped him into the tub, following and forcing him under the water, picking up the soap and lathering his hands, running from Steve’s shoulders, down between each finger, around his chest, pinching his nipples more for fun but the moan that came out served only to turn him on more. “Like that?”

“Yes Buck.” Steve dug his fingers into his hair, holding him still as the rivulets of water dripped from his arms and down the bare chest, glistening as it went. Suddenly there were lips on his, bruising on impact but his tongue was moving before he registered and it slipped over Bucky’s own gently even if the hands on his hips were like iron. 

“Please explain how we went this long without doing this?” Bucky gasped against his mouth, pressed flush against him. 

“You didn’t make a move.” Steve shrugged. 

“I’m not the only man here if you're insisting on gender rolls.” Bucky pointed out, using his height to mock intimidation. 

“But you do have a thing for men in lingerie.” Steve winked, hands coming up to the broad shoulders of his partner. 

“No. I have a thing for you in lingerie. No other man.” Bucky shook his head, pressing down to kiss him again. “You're the one that indulged me.”

“It was worth it.” Steve smirked and squeaked when his ass was pinched playfully. 

“Tease.” 

“I’ll wear suspenders at some point.” Steve blinked up at him and preened at the moan that earned. 

“Do you want to be fucked in this shower?” Bucky pressed him to the cold tile wall and Steve swallowed thickly. Bucky smiled that predator smile and kissed him, hand coming up and around his neck to hold him in place. “Because I don’t think the water bill can handle it.”

“Yes. I do. But not right now.” Steve whimpered, eyes locked on Bucky’s and sucking on his lower lip. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He kissed his lips then pulled back to wash quickly and shut the water off, climbing out to grab the biggest towel and holding it out for the other to step into. 

“But this is your towel.” Steve pointed out, getting wrapped up in the soft fabric. 

“And you are mine too. It's softer than yours.” Bucky nuzzled into his neck, dripping on the floor but content. 

“Oh am I now?” Steve raised an eyebrow even as his stomach twisted pleasantly. 

“You're my Soulmate Steve. I don’t want anyone else but you. I thought you understood that?” Bucky suddenly lost his confidence and pulled back, grabbing Steve’s old towel and wrapping it around his hips. 

“Hey hey hey Buck come here.” Steve turned, gripping his wrist to pull him into his body. “I know. As long as I’ve known you I've known regardless of what happened you'd always have me I’m only joking.” 

“Would you rather be courted?” Bucky pressed his hand to the side of his face. “Because I always thought that was what I wanted to do for you, we sort of just skipped a few steps.”

“We hardly had control of that.” Steve rolled his eyes, biting his lip in thought. “But courting would be nice. As long as you don’t stop kissing me?” He tagged on at last second. 

“How do you think I could ever stop kissing you?” Bucky smiled, kissing his lips to prove the point before drying himself off. “Bed?” 

“Yeah it's getting cold.” Steve finished drying and led them back to their room. 

“Come on baby.” Bucky pulled the covers back for him, folding them over him and kissing his forehead. “Nice and snug.”

“Where are you going?” Steve made grabby hands and a pouty face at Bucky as he stood up. 

“To bed?” He offered, raising an eyebrow. 

“Here.” Steve tugged his fingers until he curled under the duvet with him and pressed his cold feet and hands to his boyfriends naturally warm body. 

“You are evil.” Bucky growled, tickling his ribs until he screamed, silencing him with a kiss and a giggle, breathing the sounds in happily. 

“You don’t really mind.” Steve blinked big baby blues up at him and Bucky rolled his eyes, smirking. 

“Sure you keep telling yourself that Stevie.” He curled both arms around him as he settled on his chest, body pressed as close as he could. 

“G’night Buck.” Steve yawned. 

“Night Steve.”

***

 

“Sarah!” Bucky shouted out as the woman clambered out of bed, running into the bedroom. Steve was shivering, teeth chattering, sweating and unable to be quiet. “Sarah what do I do?” Bucky was panicking and Sarah let her nurse head come on. 

“Get his temperature down! We need to break the fever.” She stripped the sheets back, ignoring the pain in her chest when Steve cried out. “Go get a bowl of cold water and a couple of flannels.”

“Yes ma’am.” Bucky jumped into action, running the cold rags over his body, Sarah holding on to his forehead and trying to talk him into calming down. Hours later when they were both exhausted and Bucky’s nerves were frayed she left the room. Steve was stable, just whimpering on occasion but he was at a comfortable temperature, sleeping on his side, covers up over his knees but holding to Bucky’s hand like a life line. Bucky watched his chest rise and fall, counting every time it filled, hating the rattle that filled every intake, eyes red from crying, a fact Sarah had so graciously not commented on, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of him. 

 

“Bucky?” Sarah spoke softly but he still jumped, eyes snapping open frantically. “Shhh Bucky it's only me.” She sat next to him, handing over a plate of toast. “He'll be ok, you got it down.” She smiled reassuringly. “You did good.”

“But why did it happen?” His lower lip trembled, exhausted and strung out. “He was fine all week I thought we got past the worst of winter.”

“He just turns so quickly Bucky. Its no one’s fault, his body just isn't immune to anything, he was so ill as a baby that he doesn’t really have an immune system.” She explained, pulling the man who had spent the last six months becoming her second son into her arms to rub his back and calm him down. He clung to her tight with the arm that wasn’t being held by Steve’s hand. 

“It was so much worse than last time.” Bucky sobbed into her shoulder. 

“I know. It's that time of year.” She pulled back to pat his cheek gently. “There isn’t much in the way of help for Steve, not that we can afford, nothing that isn’t only a test, there isn’t the funding for the real research to help people with his condition, but anyway, you just have to learn how to help him.”

“But he was in pain. Why won't that get funded?” He wiped his eyes frantically, watching to count breaths again. 

“Because it's difficult.” She ran her hand through her son’s hair, brushing it back from his face. “When he wakes he will need fluids, get him to drink some water and eat something, try an apple, cut it up for him, he likes them. Then he may want a shower, convince him to have a bath and help him. Please. You do such a good job at looking after him.” She kissed his forehead and stood up. 

“Thank you but I don’t feel like much use.” Bucky shrugged, tugging the covers up when a shiver ran over Steve’s skin. 

“You have helped so much Son, trust me. I'm so glad he found you.” She told him, pausing in the door. 

“I am too. Thank you for taking me Sarah.” He smiled at her, it was tired and weak but she understood. 

“Thank you for finding my Steve.” She waved and ducked out the room, leaving for work. 

 

“Buck?” Steve stirred and reached out, blindly grabbing at the other who moved to be in the right place. 

“Hey baby. I'm here.” He kissed the palm, holding them in his own hands. “Shh honey.”

“Drink?” Bucky held the bottle for him and settled with his back on the head rest, pulling Steve up to use him as a pillow. He curled into his Soulmate, clinging weakly to him and coughing. The sound made Bucky’s heart constrict and he kissed his cheek, eyes squeezed shut. 

“That bad?” Steve whispered, looking up and realising how upset Bucky was. 

“You scared me is all.” Bucky pressed his lips to his forehead, hugging him as close as he dared. 

“I'm sorry.” He mumbled, face buried in his neck. 

“Don’t apologise. It's not your fault.” Bucky shook his head, tucking him closer. 

“This is the fourth time this month Buck.” Steve groaned, tugging the covers up. 

“And? I'll be here for many more.” He promised, helping the covers settle and snuggled into them. 

“Really? Even after all this?” Steve pulled away enough to look up at him, skin pale, eyes dull, hair full of sweat and lips chapped. 

“Always.” Bucky assured, pressing his lips to the others gently as he could. “I will always want you Stevie, I knew that the first time I saw you, I only grow in confidence whenever I see you.” Bucky whispered. “I love you so much Stevie. Nothing hurts me more than seeing you in pain, Soulmates or not I know I couldn’t go without feeling all I do for you.” 

“You?” Steve blinked up at him, mouth agape and breathing more laboured. 

“Of course I love you Steve, how could I not?” He laughed under his breath. “You are perfect.”

“Ok, last night proves I’m not perfect.” Steve tried to deflect, but he was blushing even in his poor state. 

“You are the epitome of perfect Stevie and I won’t have you believing any different.” He shook his head, planting gentle kisses all over his cheeks until he giggled. 

“I am so cold.” Steve kissed his lips and shuddered. 

“I’ll get my blanket, can you keep sipping that whilst I go run a bath and do you some fruit?” Bucky ran his hands up and down his arms to create friction. 

“I can do that.” He nodded, searching for another kiss and settling back against pillows as the second duvet was laid over his legs. 

“Thank you Baby.” Bucky kissed him then rushed to the bathroom, setting that off before doing the usual in the kitchen. 

 

“I love your eyes.” Steve said when he came back. Bucky handed him the fruit and tilted his head to the side. “I love how you fit around me. I love how you waited for everything and kept to your word about courting me. I love how you treat my Mother and how well you add to our family. I love all you do for me.” He finally looked up from his lap. “I love you so much Bucky.”

“Come here.” Bucky pulled him into his arms, breathing heavy and laughing as he pressed his face into his shoulder. “I love you I love you I love you.” 

“My Bucky.” Steve smiled against his skin, kissing the exposed spot and leaning back to nibble on the apple, sliced just the way he liked it.

“Yours always.” Bucky assured him, going to turn the bath off and lead him into it, stripping himself so he could join him in the water, behind him so his back wouldn’t touch the could tub. 

“You’re a furnace.” Steve snuggled back into him, enjoying the way water was being drawn up and dripped over his body, so much care and affection in one motion. 

“And you are an icicle. We make a deadly pair.” Bucky kissed down his neck happily, settling with Steve getting some of his usual air back. 

“Fear us world!” Steve shook his fist at the air playfully and moaned gently as Bucky started washing him down with the soap, working over his shoulders and stomach, between his thighs and pulling each leg up to massage the left over pain in each one.

“Sleep before you conquer the world.” Bucky laughed, trailing burning down his neck until he turned smiling. 

“But I want to do something.” Steve pouted at him, eyes like saucers. 

“I’ve been up all night Stevie, you can draw or something as long as you’re in the room with me and you can wake me if you start feeling down again.” Bucky yawned as if to punctuate the words and hugged him close. 

“Oh.” Steve looked down at his fingers and then sighed. “Can I be in your arms reading?”

“I like the sound of that.” Bucky nodded, washing his hair to get him completely clean. 

Steve relaxed into the hands, eyes shut and breathing evening out. He wasn’t so cold and he was content. Even with his mother he never felt better as quickly as Bucky made him, his very presence just relaxed his system. 

“Baby? Come on up you get.” Bucky kissed his cheek and he woke from his doze. He got up, wrapped in Bucky’s towel, getting dried off by his boyfriend and wandering into their bedroom and slipping under both covers before he even finished drying. 

“I love you Buck.” Steve rolled over into his chest as he pressed into the mattress. Hands came up between them and he got wrapped in thick arms, holding him close and kisses getting pressed to his forehead. 

“I love you Stevie.” Bucky smiled and yawned, falling asleep easy. 

Steve didn't sleep. He couldn’t get the idea of how much of a burden he was out of his head and it was stressing him out. He couldn’t even sleep without something going wrong. This amazing man in front of him was stuck with the most useless Soulmate in the world and there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn’t even keep a job down for heavens sake. Bucky had got himself a job down the docks to help paying bills and the house was so much better stocked, food and just stuff, it was heated more often and nothing was as tight. He could never contribute to that. He couldn’t even keep a job down the green grocers because of how often he was ill. He felt like shit by the time he remembered the letter tucked under this very mattress.

He had been contacted by a team of Doctors and Scientists. They had created what they called a Serum, something that could fix his broken body. But it wasn’t tested. He could just get worse. But there was the distinct possibility of being better. Of not burdening anyone, of helping even. He couldn’t get it out of his head. Bucky shifted, nuzzling into his hair in his sleep and he looked up. The sharp features, straight lines of his jaw and cheek bones. The few day’s scruff made him look older, nose slightly crooked where he got between a boy and Steve and ended up getting hit. The way he frowned slightly in his sleep. He hated the idea of disappointing him. He was all that mattered really. He didn’t want to do that, it pained him through his chest the way his faulty heart wasn’t used to. 

Bucky was his rock. He was barely a sandbank next to him. He had to be better for him. Steve nodded, mind made up and finally fell asleep. 

***

“All eligible young men are to sign up!” The man in the street called, uniform neat and tidy, looking proud to serve his company. Bucky’s hand tightened around Steve’s arm. “We need all the soldiers we can get to win this war and every female who wishes to fight can join if they wish, but we need someone here to make the ammo and tools the troops will need, they need strong women back here too.” The man started handing out fliers. “First fifteen thousand to sign up only have to do one tour!”

“No.” Steve looked up at Bucky who shook his head.

“If I can only do one tour I need to sign up now Steve. I need to be home as quick as I can for you and your mother.” He reasoned, hugging him close. 

“But I can't go with you.” Steve tried to sound even but his voice cracked. 

“You need to stay and look after your mother.” Bucky squeezed him and walked up to the office, signing the usual details and coming back to find Steve sat on a bench. “Stevie?” He knelt down noticing tears in his darling’s eyes. 

“You don’t understand Buck. That’s how my father died. I can't deal with that happening to you.” Steve shook his head, scrubbing his eyes. 

“I do Steve. I talked to Sarah about it when I first found out about the recruitment drive.” Bucky wrapped his body around his Soulmates, kissing his cheek. 

“What?” Steve tried to struggle but it was weak. 

“I knew telling you would stress you out Stevie, so I went to her.” Bucky pressed both hands to his cheeks. “Stevie I need to do this then get back to you as quick as I can.”

“But you're still going.” Steve was close go sobbing and shoved the top of his shaking hand in his mouth. 

“It's mandatory Stevie.” Bucky swallowed thickly, standing and bringing the other with him, hurrying them as fast as he dared with the damp weather to the house. “I don’t have a choice.”

“What do you mean you don’t have a choice? You're excluded for being a Soulmate!” Steve half screamed, throwing his pillow off of his bed. 

“No I’m not. You know that isn’t a rule any more.” Bucky shook his head, picking it up and placing it back. 

“But you can't leave me!” Steve was panting now, tears running down his red cheeks. 

“I will be back quicker than you can imagine.” Bucky smiled through the tears and tried to stay strong. 

“Stop it!” Steve shouted at him, knees giving as he sunk to the floor. “You know if you go there is a chance you're not coming back and how the fuck do you think I will be able to cope with that?”

“I'll come back Stevie.” Bucky dropped in front of him, trying to touch him only to have his hand shoved away. 

“Don’t Stevie me. You know. You know how bad things were, I can’t go back to not having you.” Steve growled, eyes flashing and Bucky sobbed at the anger there. 

“I can't not go Steve.” Bucky’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “Even if I could I couldn’t disappoint my father like that. He did it. I don’t have any right not to go and do my bit.”

“But you can disappoint me?” Steve whispered, venom leaking out of his voice. 

“I'm sorry.” Bucky got up, shaking his head and locking himself in the bathroom. 

***

Steve spent an hour staring at the wooden door, sobbing brokenly and hearing the same from the other side too. He couldn’t live without Bucky. Bucky was everything. He should be going with him, not sat here doing nothing. Then he pulled out the letter. 

A fully paid offer to have the serum. He just had to get to the nearest bus station with the pass they will send him. He could go with him. He could see the pain and horror disappear from his Soulmates eyes knowing that he couldn’t be killed by his own body ever again. Grabbing the nearest pen, he filled it in. Wiping his face, he ran down to the post box. 

***

Bucky leant against the grain of the wood, crying not so silently, and scratched over his arms with blunt nails. He couldn’t stand the idea of Steve not wanting him any more but he also knew he had to go. He was able bodied and fit. His father, his grand father and his great grandfather had all been in the army at some point, he had no right to let someone else take the fall for him. He had to defend his country, defend his Steve and his family. 

When the door opened he panicked right up to the point it opened and Steve’s footfalls stopped outside the bathroom. 

“Bucky?” Steve’s voice was small and barely filtered through the thin wood. 

“Steve.” He opened the door, still sat on the floor but he let the other in. Steve dropped to the tiles next to him. 

“I'm sorry.” Steve stared at the floor, picking at the sealant between the sections. 

“So am I.” Bucky resisted the urge to pull Steve onto his lap. 

“I know you have to go. I just don’t want you hurt.” He finally looked up. “I couldn’t survive that.”

“I need you safe. I just need to know I am coming home to you.” Bucky caught his eye and Steve dived into his body, a tangle of arms and legs until they were as close as they could be. 

“I will always be yours.” Steve nodded, face in the crook of his neck, body curled up in his lap. 

“And I will yours. I promise.” Bucky kissed his hairline, eyes jammed shut. 

“Come to bed?” Steve tugged on the hem of Bucky’s shirt. 

“We need to eat Steve.” He told him, picking him up bridal style and carrying him to his spot at the table. 

“What are we having?” Steve tried to sound like he wanted to eat. 

“Pasta and cheese sauce?” He looked in the fridge and pulled out the ingredients. 

“Sounds ok.” Steve nodded, fingers not even itching to grab his sketchbook full of Bucky cooking. There was no finesse, no romance, none of his usual banter or the comfortable chatter that happens between them. 

“Here you go.” Bucky handed him a bowl, pouring two glasses of water and placing them down. 

“Buck?” Steve looked up from the food, the whole thing smelling good but leaving his mouth feeling full of ash. 

“Come here.” Bucky shoved his dinner away and opened his arms, letting the other climb into his lap and wrapping him close, inhaling his scent and letting more tears fall. 

“I love you so much Bucky.” Steve got as close as he could, arms pressed to chest as he was gently rocked. 

“I love you too Steve. More than I can ever say.” Bucky whispered, kissing as much of his cheek as he could. 

“Oh dear.” Sarah walked into the kitchen, feeling the atmosphere and sighing, leaning in to wrap her arms around them. “Oh my boys.” 

“Ma.” Steve pressed one had around her waist and Bucky did the same to her shoulders. 

“You’ll be ok.” She kissed both of their heads and fell heavily into Steve’s vacated chair. 

“The stuff on the stove should still be warm Sarah.” Bucky pointed out and she got herself a bowl, eating it half heartedly. 

“Thank you Bucky.” She tried to smile but knew it was a wasted effort. She watched the way Steve was clinging to his shirt with his face tucked into his neck and breathing heavy but not panting. A sadness lingered in her eyes. 

“No problem Sarah. I'll send my pay to you, should help around here if I can't be bringing in from the docks.” Bucky told her, sounding much older than his years. 

“You don’t have to Bucky.” She offered but he shook his head. 

“I won't need a lot out there. May as well be used here.” He kissed Steve’s forehead. 

“Thank you James.” She patted his hand and he smiled weakly at her, biting his lip hard. 

“I do have some treats for you boys.” She grabbed her bag, producing two muffins from the canteen at the hospital, chocolate for Bucky, blueberry for Steve. 

“Thank you.” Bucky smiled at her, taking them and placing Steve’s in his hands. 

“Thank you Ma.” Steve nibbled on the edge until it gave and he had to take the paper off. 

“How was work?” Bucky used his free hand to break off chunks of cake. 

“Tiring, so many women in today, babies everywhere. The kids are missing you Steve.” She rubbed her eyes and yawned. 

“I'll go see them this week.” Steve nodded, finishing his and throwing the paper on the table. 

“They’d like that.” She smiled and stood up. “Night boys.” 

“Night Ma.” Bucky and Steve said in unison and she leaned over to kiss both of their foreheads. 

“You want to go bed too?” Bucky kissed his cheek. 

“Can I draw you?” Steve traced his finger down his jaw gently. 

“Of course.” Bucky nodded, picking him up because he could and carrying him to their room. 

“Sit in the window, shirt off, jeans undone.” Steve instructed and grabbed his easel, setting up his favourite brushes and watercolours, then walked over to Bucky to pose him, messing his hair and tilting his hips. Bucky smiled at him as he worked, resisting the urge to poke the tongue that poked out of his plump lips. 

“What are you smiling about?” Steve laughed, fingers tracing his lips. 

“I love you.” Bucky leaned up to kiss him and hated the salt he tasted there. 

“I love you too.” Steve finished posing and went back to his stuff. Bucky learnt many years ago to just stay still when Steve is drawing and had a small mind-set to get into to help with that. It was like a long running story in his head, he was about five years in the future right now and he and Steve were in their own house, just outside of the city Steve could draw landscapes, somewhere for them to relax and have big family christmas’ and be able to have the girls over to run around the garden and play games. 

“You’re smiling.” Steve called and Bucky smiled wider at being caught. “What are you thinking?”

“You. About you is all.” Bucky wanted to turn to look at him but knew he’d be yelled at if he did. 

“What is it?” Steve picked up the next colour and started highlighting. 

“Where I'd want us to live.” Bucky blushed, seeing Steve’s hand pause through the corner of his eye. 

“Tell me?” He stuttered, smiling gently. 

“Medium house, lots of exposed brick, just outside of the city, within half hour bus away but with a big wrap around garden that the girls can come over and play in, big porch swing and a fire pit for marshmallows. Open plan with woodwork everywhere, pale apart from the library come art room, which would be dark wood and dark green because that was my favourite room in my grandfather’s house. Big kitchen with an island we can have breakfast at, then a big table for christmas dinner.” Bucky smiled bigger and Steve painted the smile and blush into the painting. 

“I think that sounds beautiful.” Steve breathed, closing his eyes so he could imagine it. Big green space, porch and Bucky, leaning on the doorway as the girls play in the garden. He loved his sisters so much. But Steve wanted his own so that was what he was imagining. 

“Coming home to you sounds amazing.” Bucky was itching to touch Steve and clearly he understood because the paint brushes went down and he came over, placing himself into his boyfriend’s lap. 

“I think it does too.” Steve relaxed against him, arms wrapping around his hips. 

“Anywhere you wanna see?” Bucky asked, moving so they were on his bed. He laid down with the other over his hips, massaging the tops of his thighs. 

“Castles, the sea, star filled sky?” He romanticised, pressing his hands to Bucky’s chest. 

“I promise we'll do that.” Bucky ran his hands up Steve’s torso to pull him down into a kiss, lips connecting slowly and without any rush. They moved perfectly, Steve tilting to the left and his arms bracketing around the others head.

“I can't wait.”   
***

 

“Steve?” Bucky walked through the front door, freshly Buzz cut, cap and uniform perfectly pressed and positioned. Steve had chosen not to go with him to get his orders, was curled up on the sofa with Bucky’s blanket, eyes red but his tears run out. 

“Buck?” Steve looked up, jaw dropping, eyes widening like saucers. 

“How’d I look?” He bit the side of his lip, tilting to the side apprehensively. 

“I…” Steve stuttered and walked over, small hand coming up to trace the name embroidered into the front. “Buck.”

“It's ok Steve if you want me to change.” Bucky tried to sound gentle but was tackled to the wall by his Soulmate. “Hey!” 

“When do you leave?” Steve shuddered, feeling arms encompass his body. 

“Tomorrow.” He whispered, eyes barely containing his own tears. 

“Bucky. James please?” Steve pulled back, begging with his eyes. 

“I can't turn round now Bud, not an option.” Bucky shook his head, hand coming to rest on   
Steve’s cheek. 

“No. Bucky I want. I want. I want you.” Steve tried, l lower lip trembling, hands pulling at his lapels. 

“You have me?” Buck bought a shaking hand to his lips, kissing it. “Forever.”

“Not what I mean.” Steve shook his head, biting his lip. 

“What?” He looked confused, then it clicked. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Steve blinked at him in horror. Bucky hung his cap on the coat stand, taking the jacket off and hanging it to avoid creases, then offered his hand. Steve pressed his hand into it only to be pulled against his chest, dipped like some maiden, and kissed so slowly he felt like his body was going to unstitch. His lips move gently against the pressure, breaths mixing together perfectly and he let his bodyweight be taken by the other, arms loped around his neck. 

“Mine.” Bucky whispered against his lips and carried him into the bedroom, kicking the door shut and laying Steve down on his duvet. 

“Yours.” Steve nodded, shuddering as his t-shirt was pulled over his head and the other pressed little kisses to his abdomen, up to suckle on his nipple and make him moan as his hands worked him out pf his trousers. The material was thrown to the floor before he pulled back, undoing each button of his shirt with eyes locked on the others reaction. Steve was almost holding his breath by the time Bucky finished undoing the shirt, hanging it over the desk chair and taking to his belt, biting his lip and looking at him through heavy lashes. 

“I see you wore your lace for me.” Bucky pointed out, voice dropped at the sight on the bed before him. 

“I thought it was a special occasion.” Steve breathed, fingering along the lace. 

“You look good enough to eat.” He commented, sliding his trousers and boxers down in one so he was stood naked in front of his Soulmate. “And that’s what I intend to do.” He crawled sensually up the bed, trapping Steve under him and kissing him slowly, pressing his body down and moaning at the skin contact. 

“Fuck.” Steve moaned against him, hips grinding up. 

“I intend to be a bit more romantic than that.” Bucky sassed and earned a quick slap to the ass, chuckling under his breath he nibbled on the spot just under Steve’s chin he liked so much to get payback. 

“And how are you gonna do that?” Steve smirked, reaching to mess up the others perfectly cut hair. 

“Candles, chocolates, strawberries, kisses?” Bucky ticked off on his fingers. 

“You have none of those things.” Steve giggled, grabbing his hand, sucking on the tip of the pointer finger. 

“Damn that’s what I had planned.” Bucky mock sighed. “I'll do that when I come back.” He leaned over, removing his fingers reluctantly and kissed him again, licking the seam of his lips and breathing in the sounds the other made. 

“You had it planned?” Steve moaned as hands clasped both of his hips, circling thumbs pressing in the joint of his thighs. 

“I have it all planned.” Bucky smiled down at him, doe eyed and happy, moving down to mouth over Steve’s black lace clad erection. “I was going to take you to that fancy restaurant with all the art on the ceiling that you admire through the window whenever we walk past it. Then I was going to ask you if you wanted desert and order for us so you didn’t know and I was gonna order a taster of everything because it all looks so good.” His palm started moving over the member as he talked, breath ghosting over the skin. “Then I was gonna blindfold you and feed you each one, letting you taste it then tell you something I love about you, then once it was done we’d finish the bottle of bubbly, box up your favourite one and take three pieces because not only would we want one, but your mother would love one too. Then I was going to walk along the seafront with you to Coney Island and go on the ferris wheel and curl up together and watch the way the sun set over the horizon, kissing you just as the light died.” Bucky was smiling at the plans, watching the blush come over Steve’s cheeks as he rested his own face agaisnt his stomach. “Then we'd come back and I'd tell you to wait in the kitchen whilst I lit all the candles and then lead you through, kissing you because I could and then I was going to make love to you all night.” Bucky kissed his navel and smiled sadly. “But I guess were skipping that stage so I will take you when I'm back I promise.”

“Buck.” Steve half sobbed, tugging him back up to wrap himself around the others boy tightly. “That sounds perfect.”

“That’s what you deserve.” Bucky kissed the top of his head, curling into him and sighing, holding back the burning feeling in his throat. 

“You're what I deserve.” Steve choked out, tears running down Bucky’s exposed chest. 

“You will always have me.” He promised, eyes shutting as he inhaled Steve’s scent.

“Do that? Do that instead? Come home to me and the first chance we can we'll go have dinner and Coney Island and and… Bucky come home.” Steve broke, clinging as tight as he could. 

“I couldn’t leave you if I tried Steve.” Bucky kissed his forehead as he looked up, shaking his head. “No?”

“Call me Stevie again Bucky.” Steve’s bottom lip trembled. “I know I told you off for it but I love it. I love you and I love you calling me it.”

“I love you so much Stevie, my Stevie.” Bucky kissed him, unhurried and sad but full of so much emotion. 

“Mine.” Steve curled into his chest, hands around Bucky’s waist, head tucked under his chin, legs tangled together, not helping him move the duvet over the, but snuggling as close as he could get. 

“Yours.” Bucky cried silently until they both fell asleep.   
***

 

“You look so smart.” Sarah cried giving him his goodbye hug, kissing his cheek. “Do us proud my Son, I'll look after him.” She promised, squeezing his hand in the hallway. 

“Look after each other.” Bucky wiped under his eyes and hugged her again before hugging Steve as close as possible. “I love you.”

“We will.” Steve curled his fingers into the material at his back. “I love you.”

There was a beep outside and Bucky straightened up, placing his cap straight and taking a deep breath, smiling a crooked smile that made Steve’s heart twist. 

“That’s Dad, see you soon.” He saluted and turned on his heel, marching, shoulders squared and hips straight to the door of the stairwell, blowing Steve a kiss before stepping out of his view. 

 

“You look mighty fine Son.” His father commented from the back of the limousine, handing him a drink which went down in one. 

“You look smart Bucket.” Becca jumped into his lap, little sister following after. 

“Thank you Becks.” He kissed both of their foreheads. 

“You're gonna win us this war.” She pointed into his chest, beaming up at him. “Then you're gonna come home and bake cakes with us.”

“It’s a date.” He held up his little finger and all three of them locked pinkies in a promise.

“Right you two, lets get out so I can give him a proper hug, I'm not small enough for his lap.” His Dad joked, ushering them onto the pavement in front of the vans ready to collect troops. They all piled out and he was wrapped up in his father’s strong arms. “I am so proud of you James.” 

“Thank you Dad, look after them, and Steve and Sarah. Please make sure they are ok.” He squeezed his shoulder and took a deep breath to steady himself. 

“Of course son, they are family.” His eyes were glistening but he wouldn’t cry in front of his children. 

“Buck?” He looked at the girls who both handed him little pictures, folded up and wrapped in ribbon. “Look at these when you are upset.” Becca instructed and he took them, kissing the crowns of their head. 

“Thank you girls, I will be sure to.” He coughed as someone started shouting for the 107th. “That’s me.”

“Go on Boy, see you in a few months.” He was clapped on the shoulder before he hoisted up his bag and walked towards his truck.


	2. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey look! I updated with sadness and feels :) im sorry i love you :P let me know what you think x

The cold seeped into bones, freezing his feet and making his whole body ache. The snow covered ground was hard to trudge through even when they weren’t under enemy fire and the pain in his left arm was making it cramp and spike. 

“Barnes!” Someone up ahead shouted and Bucky realised he had fallen behind. He willed his body to keep up, begging with images of Steve at home. Three more weeks. Three more weeks and he would be back in his arms, warm again, dry and safe. That’s what he thought about when things got as grey and bleak as the landscapes around him. 

***

 

“What are these?” The nurse prodded at the dark splurges over Steve’s pale skin. 

“My soulmate is in the war.” He moved his left arm away from her. The scarring was becoming more angry and so were the vast amount of bruises and cuts over his body. He hadn’t heard from Bucky in a month, they were the only thing keeping him sane in the knowledge that Bucky was still alive. Dead bodies didn’t bruise. That’s what he told himself. 

“Wow I thought they were all wiped out.” She smiled at him in awe, it was a pretty thing, blond hair back in a thick plat, pale blue dress with a white apron over it, frills where they weren't strictly uniform but then again the small heels on her black dancing shoes weren’t either but their presence was comforting in a strange way. 

“So did everyone else.” Steve laughed, lifting his hand to draw a little heart on his wrist with the pen she had him signing things with. 

“You're cute.” She ruffled his hair and took the forms back. “Dr Erskinewill be here soon, relax and strip down to these shorts, well keep the room warm.” She smiled again, squeezing his fingers gently as she turned to take the paper away. 

“Right.” He dropped his bag on the side and swapped his clothes out for the shorts, same blue as her dress, too big but he clutched them to him. Looking in the mirror he scanned over his skin. All the damage for once was Bucky’s and it broke his heart. His entire left arm was black blue and red, the lines that were usually so faint standing out for a change, his right ribs were purple, feet covered in scarlet cuts and the outline of blisters. His hands had many nicks in them, the little one showed signs of being broken and splinted. He was glad he couldn’t feel them but desperately wanted to take the pain from his Soulmate. 

***

 

His wrist tickled. Nothing tickled out here it simply hurt. Bucky leaned closer to the fire, holding it out to see a small heart draw itself on his inner right arm and choked on a sob. Steve hadn’t been sending him many messages, they discussed that if he was taken prisoner that it was a bad idea for Steve to be contacting him that way, but god he needed it. 

“You ok Bucky?” Dum Dum turned to him from where he was reading. 

“Yeah. Yeah just too tired.” He scrubbed his eyes so they didn’t water and wrapped his hand around the heart. “Anyone got a pen?” 

“Why the hell would you need a pen?” One of the others asked, throwing him one anyway. 

“I fancy doing maths.” He sassed, catching it. He draw a heart linking into the other one and sent it back to the man. 

“Rather you than me.” He snorted, tucking it away and pulling out a blanket. 

***

 

Steve was stood in the medical room when his wrist tingled. He looked down to see that Bucky had drawn his own heart, tangled with the one he had done, and the sigh of relief didn’t go unnoticed, neither did the endorphin spike on the monitor. 

“You didn't tell me you had a soulmate.” Dr.Erskine queried, recognising the way the image appeared. 

“You didn’t ask Sir.” Steve smiled but there was a sadness. 

“Well congratulations.” The man smiled kindly, patting him on the shoulder. “Hop up.”

“Yes Sir.” Steve jumped onto the bed, minding all the wires attached to him, and offered his arm. 

“This is going to sting.” He warned then pushed needle into his skin. Steve winced then relaxed once it was over. “The morphine should take effect soon.” 

“Why morphine?” Steve pressed the pad he was handed to the small hole.

“We find it helps.” The man shrugged and then motioned for him to lie down. Steve nodded, laying on the table. “Try and relax.”

“What?” Steve was suddenly surrounded by metal arms, each holding a needle. They came up in sync and stabbed into his skin making him shout out but the feeling of the liquid was almost too thick in his veins. He could feel it moving inside his body and it took everything in him not to throw up. 

“Good Steven, you have completed the first dose.” The doctor spoke excitedly as the arms retreated and a nurse came to wipe blood away from the puncture points. 

“First?” He breathed, eyes widening in horror. 

“Yes, there are three, the last is the most intense but this is just to set the reactions off. Ill see you next Thursday.” Dr Erskine patted his shoulder. “Call if you feel any of these.” He pointed to a list in what Steve assumed was meant to be a red box but looked a weird brown. “Other than that there shouldn’t be many repercussions in the process.” He smiled fondly. 

“Oh.” Steve sat up, feeling a little dizzy. “Thanks Doc.” He shook his hand, dragging his clothes over his small body. 

“You're welcome.” He nodded and led him to the door. “Stay safe.”

“You too.” Steve waved as he pulled his coat closer in the cold air. 

*** 

“We're under attack!” Someone shouted from just outside the camp and everyone groggily woke. “Germans on the left!” The watchman ran into the camp and everything was dropped and guns were grabbed. Buckys heart was pounding, making it hard to hear but the team automatically dropped into a circle formation, backs together so they had an eye on every direction. 

“Now now men.” There was a thick accent but the speech was understandable. “You're in my territory.” A slender man, much too gaunt, pale, perfectly pressed uniform, eyes almost white, teeth too big for his mouth. “That makes you fair game.” Everyone stayed silent. “No comments? Well then gentlemen come with me and no one has to die.” He waved them to follow him, a smirk removing any form of sincerity his voice may have held and suddenly they were surrounded by enemy troops, all in black with some insignia on their arms, guns much newer than their own. The group looked to each other. They knew they were fucked. They knew it was go or die on the spot. 

“And if we refuse?” The commander asked, coming to face the opponent. 

“You die.” He smirked again and Bucky’s heart felt like stone. What would that do to Steve? Would he still be able to live? 

“Come come we don’t have all day.” His cap was tipped and the soldiers closed in, guns raised. 

“No!” One of the men cried, opening fire only to be shot through the head in seconds. 

“Don’t be that stupid.” The commander growled, pointing his own gun at them. “Now walk.”

 

***

Steve couldn’t sleep. His mother was at the hospital and the house felt so empty. It still felt like the liquid was wandering around in his veins and it was unsettling to say the least. The blisters on his feet were getting worse as well, he could almost feel them. It made his heart ache like it was working overtime. Most of Bucky’s things didn’t smell of him any more but the soulmate sickness was very likely to start taking over both of their bodies if Bucky didn’t come home soon. 

Lights flashed outside the curtains, wardens scanning the streets, and Steve dropped into his bed, piled high with Bucky’s stuff, curling into a nest as a wave of pain washed over his body. He whimpered only to feel suddenly very cold, like he had been dropped in ice. 

*** 

Bucky gasped for breath as he was yanked out of the frigid water, teeth clattering and hands moving to cover himself where they had stripped him naked. All the men had been, then dunked in the same cold liquid, foamy with something that burned when it got into any form of cut. Many injured had screamed, some with deeper wounds had even passed out, and Bucky scrambled into the rag they threw at him to dry himself with. For not the first time he considered that being shot on the field would have been a better option. 

“Move on!” Someone shouted, hitting him with the base of his gun and sending him sprawling across the tiled floor, ripping his hands and knees as he went. He held back the swear and hobbled over to the others. There were about three different parties here, all stripped and shivering. He made it to one of his troops and they leaned together. 

“Now men. We are going to give you back your clothes. Don’t think of fighting now.” The guard chucked all their clothes in a pile, tapping the side of his gun. They all started chucking things around, bundling their own things into arms and turning to dress. Bucky noticed how many peoples lips were blue and how many had frostbite, wincing when he looked down at his own body. He was covered in bruises and cuts and little holes, he wasn’t sure when they happened, but his hearts were gone. His body almost convulsed as he smelt burning. People started screaming, long draw out shouts of pain and utter terror as the people who passed out were thrown on a bile of burning bodies. The fumes clogged Bucky’s nose and lungs, causing him to clasp his shirt to his face and breathe in weeks of blood and sweat instead. The shrill noise coming from the people who woke up half way through the burning made many of them throw up what little was in their stomachs, blood and sick mixing the stench. Bucky tried to look away but failed, eyes widening at the faceless figures that fell into the heap as the last shreds of individuality and recognisable parts were untraceable. 

Bucky swallowed the bile in his throat, tearing his eyes away to button up his flies and coughing wetly. 

“Onwards you scum.” Someone shouted from the second level of the wear house they were in, opening the doors at the end of the room that looked like it was leading down a long corridor. Most of the men grouped together for safety and Bucky found himself sandwiched between two men he had never met. 

“Jim.” One nodded at him. 

“Gabe.” The other side nodded back. 

“Bucky.” He rubbed his hands together, trying to stop the blue seeping down them. Screams still echoed around the smaller halls, newer ones littering between the burning soldiers. He swallowed thickly as they felt the heat coming from one room, hearing the moans and shouts from inside. They were led around a corner to a small holding area which had a scanner, then shoved into the cages inside. They were separated into groups of eight and thrown in cages too small to sit down in. The floor was wet, the drainage taking raw sewage around the walls. No lights were left on as the guards walked out. 

“Well isn’t this just fucking brilliant.” Someone commented and dry laughs filled the hall. 

“Anyone got a smoke?” Someone called. 

“Dum Dum?” Bucky shouted back, fighting to the front of the cage. 

“Barnes! Good to see your ugly mug. Got any plans?” Dum Dum smirked, leaning on their commander. 

“That’s his job.” Bucky tried to laugh but the man was looking decidedly worse for wear. 

“Yours now.” The commander gave him a half smile, half wince, and curled in on himself. Bucky swallowed and shook his head. 

“Why me?” He choked out. They weren’t shouting, only opposite each other. 

“The second passed out.” Dum Dum urged. “And you've got a pretty damn good reason to get us home.” 

“Fuck.” He pressed his forehead to the cold bars in front of him. 

“Not much room for that here.” Jim chipped in and Bucky snorted. 

“Wait it out. Anyone who needs warming the most centre of the cages, rotate as necessary.” Bucky took up and pointed at his Commander. “Do something for him.” 

“Yes Sir!” Dum Dum saluted him and moved him to the centre. 

“You guys ok with that?” He turned to his own cell who shoved the bluest member to the middle without a second thought. 

“Your orders Cap.” Jim half smiled, pressing him into the circle. 

“That’s gonna come back to bite me in the ass.” Bucky joked, tucking his hands under his armpits. 

“Probably.” Jim nodded, nudging him in the side. 

*** 

Steve started pacing. His mother wasn’t around, she should have been home hours ago. He had started worrying when she was more than half an hour late. Now he was close to pulling his hair out. The sun was peaking over the city and smoke was raising around the docks. Steve could feel a bruise forming on his chest from Bucky and it didn’t help his breathing. 

A knock on the door made him jump out of his skin. Rushing to open it he was faced with a police man, fully dressed in full uniform and suddenly Steve couldn’t breathe. 

“Mr Rogers?” The man read from a rolled up parchment. 

“Yes.” He choked out. 

“There was an explosion at the hospital last night, many people were killed, including Nurse Rogers.” The man looked up with a bleak expression. 

“No.” Steve shook his head. 

“Sorry Son.” He tilted his hat and backed away again. Steve dropped against the doorframe, clutching his chest and feeling his breathing get short. He slid down the wood, a low whine escaping his mouth as tears broke from his eyes. He scratched at the floor trying to ground himself but nothing worked. His chest started hurting more as panic flooded his system and he managed to drag himself into the flat and shut the door. The floor was cold but he was lying on his back as grief washed over him. 

*** 

“Captain?” One of the men shouted as Bucky collapsed at his side of the circle, clutching his chest and head. “Get him to the middle!”

“Cap!” Jim shouted, crouching down to him as he got the breath that had been knocked out of his body back. 

“Fuck.” Bucky shouted, watching his fingernails bruise in front of his eyes. “We need to get out of here.” 

“I'm with you there.” Dum Dum shouted and a guard finally walked around. 

“Get up.” He bashed his gun into the side of the cage. 

“Fuck you.” A gutsy man spat, crowding the guard. 

“I don’t fuck fags.” The guard hissed back, smirking at the bloke and sending out a whistle which drew two more guards. “The middle one.” 

“Yes Sir!” The men opened the cage and dragged Bucky out by his left arm. Guns pointed at the others in the cage who tried to help Bucky but he waved them off, hoping to save them some time. 

“You've been chosen Scum.” The man was chewing gum and his jaw span like a cow as he spoke. “Get on.” He shoved the barrel of his gun into his back, making him stumble forward. Nothing could compete with the pain in his chest though. He shouldn’t be able to feel Steve’s pain. It wasn’t a normal part of the bond and that was what was worrying him the most. 

“Now now you are a healthy enough young man.” A man in a doctors coat held up a thick needle from the cart by a bed which Bucky was shoved onto and restrained to via straps of leather, tight enough to cause his blood to pulse in his ears. “Lets see what this finds.” 

Suddenly the needle was shoved into his right arm and he shouted out, feeling the liquid seep into his system and make his chest feel hollow. 

“What?” He managed to choke out as his tongue seemed to swell in his mouth. 

“The americans have perfected a miracle potion, heals all wounds and ailments. We are doing the same. With less funding. So we use you to test on.” The smirk was something akin to a vulture and if he had the ability to swallow Bucky would have. As it was the saliva slid down his cheek, eyes watering as his vision went blurry. 

*** 

Steve woke suddenly, the sharp pain in his arm making him jump, until his vision went blurry. He assumed it was just his own body fighting him and rubbed them to clear it but it didn’t go away. He chose to stay where he was, shivering on the threadbare carpet and moaning at how tight his body felt. 

*** 

Bucky came back around a while later, vision clear and less swollen. His body didn’t hurt as much but there was an obvious ache all over. Once he looked down he realised he was still strapped down. 

“Ah you're awake.” The man picked up a board. “Read this.” He flicked it into Buckys vision. 

“A, E, seven, nine, O, L.” He recited, eyeing the water to the side of him. 

“Good. You’re the first to last this long. No use killing you now.” He motioned for the bed to be bent into a chair position and held the beaker to his lips, tipping it so he could drink. Even though he wanted to down the whole thing he knew he had to be cautious, taking small sips when given. “Good good. One more dose won't hurt today.” He patted his shoulder and shoved another needle into his left arm, catching the thick scarred skin and change was much quicker. He started foaming at the mouth as his eyes rolled back into his head, body convulsing against the sheet. 

“Hold him down!” One of the guards called. 

“The restraints are already?” The Doctor pointed out, raising an eyebrow at their stupidity. 

“Yes indeed.” The man nodded, watching as the fit passed. 

“Get him out of my sight. I'll have him tomorrow.” He waved them off and they carried the unconscious body back to the cells, chucking him at the nearest man in the cage. 

“Have fun.” He snickered, watching them crowd him and hold him off of the floor. 

*** 

Steve clutched at his stomach, emptying his last meal into the toilet that he had taken residence on the floor of. This was the third time and he was sure there was something wrong with him. 

*** 

“Fuck what do we do?” Gabe asked, pressing his cold hand to Bucky’s too hot forehead. 

“I don’t know!” Jim flustered, wanting to break something. “I'm not a doctor!” 

“I am.” Someone stepped up and they let him closer. “They have injected him with something. Get his temperature down, it will hopefully burn the main problem out itself.” He started undoing the buttons of Bucky’s shirt, pressing cold hands to his chest. 

“That we can do.” Jim nodded, hands going to cradle his neck. 

“What do we do if we cant get it down?” Gabe asked, swapping to let someone with fresh hands take over his forehead. 

“A quick death would be merciful.” The Doctor muttered, shaking his head. “As it comes lets not think of that.”

“Agreed.” Jim nodded, settling for a long night. 

*** 

Bucky came around slowly, feeling warmer than he had in months. He let his mind stay wonderfully blank until it registered that there were people close. He opened his eyes to find the worry of Jim’s face and tilted to the side, coughing the spit he had swallowed whilst fitting out to the side. 

“Thank Fuck.” The man laughed, brushing Bucky’s hair back. “You’re ok Buddy, don’t move too quick.”

“We need to get out.” He sat up anyway, cramped between the group and was helped to his feet. 

“Yes but how?” Dum Dum shouted and Bucky waved a hand at him. 

“Not so loud.” He rubbed his eyes, everything seeming too in focus. 

“Why no one is here?” Dum Dum pointed out only to get a death stair. “Ok Cap.” 

“Right. There is only one way in. We go we storm it.” Bucky used his memory. “Next time they come take them out, I don’t care how, and we go as a pack. 

“Im good with that.” Jim stood to his side. 

“Aye!” A couple of other cages shouted and murmured in agreement. Bucky felt his strength returning and rolled his shoulders.

“Get some sleep if you can. You'll need it.” Bucky called and the air seemed lighter with the idea that there could be a chance they could get out. 

 

Half way throughout the night the screams from before filled the room, flesh burning smelt around the room. He could hear men whimpering and shifting to try an avoid the smell but it physically felt like it was burning the insides of his nose. Bucky tried to cover his face but it did nothing once the feeling was there. More men were dragged into the holding room, thrown into the already over crowded cells and left in the dank dark. 

 

*** 

“Hello?” Steve looked up as his front door was opened. 

“Steve?” A pretty young woman, brunet, curly hair, fitted clothing, lips redder than sin, walked over to him where he was wrapped up on the sofa. “I'm Peggy Carter, I'm here to take you to your next appointment, you didn’t answer the intercom.” She tried to smile but she could see he hadn’t slept in a week. 

“Oh is that already?” He finished ripping the tissue in his hands and stood up, still in the gear from his mothers funeral two days ago. “I should shower.” 

“You do that Steve, I'll make you something to eat.” She patted his shoulder and the sigh that released made her stop. “What is it?”

“I feel horrible.” He laughed hollowly. 

“You look it.” She tried to sound sympathetic but it was hard when he had those big blue eyes of his. 

“Thanks.” He snorted, blinking slowly. “Ill try and be quick.”

“Go for it soldier.” She headed into the kitchen. She pottered about making porridge as he showered, pouring a cup of tea for herself as she did so. 

“You don’t look like you should be working for a doctors run around.” Steve commented, coming in wearing comfortable trousers and a shirt far too big for him. 

“What do you think I should be doing?” She raised a single perfect eyebrow at him. 

“You dress like the army, general? Major?” He shrugged, falling into his chair and eating the food he was handed without a second thought. 

“You should be taking care of yourself Steven.” She sat next to him and he shrugged again. 

“Been a crappy few weeks.” He finished the food and let the dizziness wear off. 

“Want to tell me in the car?” She offered, putting the suff in the sink. 

“I want to sleep.” He rubbed his eyes, dragging his hands up through the hair that was too long for his liking. 

“Then do that.” She smiled and offered him an arm which he took, grabbing his keys on the way out.

*** 

Bucky passed his weight from foot to foot in an attempt to quell the over amount of energy pulsing in his veins. They had been here for a week and no body had come in other than to chuck bread and water in to them once in a while. He was going stir crazy. The little pin pricks from before had tingled over his skin and he hated that he couldn’t be with Steve knowing what they were. 

“Will you settle?” One of the men in his cell asked and he stopped, gnawing on his lip. 

“I just need to do something.” He growled at himself, leaning all his weight on the bars. 

“I'd give anything to be back with my wife.” Jim smiled to himself. “Shes got the prettiest green eyes, waist skinny enough to wrap both hands around and touch fingers either side. Blond curls that ping when you pull them.”

“Sounds pretty.” Bucky smiled at him and he nodded. 

“And my two kids. Spitting images of her, even the boy, he has my spirit though. Deadly mix that one.” He laughed half heartedly and Bucky reached over to him. 

“We'll get you home.” He promised as the guards come through the door. 

“You.” He pointed at Bucky who turned slowly, eyes dark, smirk darker. 

“Yes officer?” He batted his eyelashes, pitching his voice high enough for a dame and a round of sniggers slipped over the room. “How may I help you?”

“Get over you ponce get out.” He opened the cage and suddenly was on his back. Bucky had smacked him in the face, driving his nose back into his brain and grabbed his gun. He picked up the keys from his belt, making sure to kick his side in the process, and opened the other cages. 

“Come on, if we move as a unit there are a fair amount of us.” Bucky called as loud as he dared. “Get the worse off ones in the centre and the healthier on the outside. No mercy.” He clicked the gun into ready and lead the company through the door, taking out one of the guards with a broken neck whilst Jim did the same to the other. They pulled them into the main holding room so they had a bit more time and moved as quietly as fifty odd people could. 

“Three up ahead Cap.” Dum Dum pointed out from his left side and Bucky lined up the shots, taking them out quickly in succession. “Nice aim.” He huffed a laugh. 

“Nice weapon, grab theirs.” He told them. The back two people had been given the other guards guns to protect from the rear. 

“Damn this is light.” Jim commented, propping it into his elbow. 

“It thought that.” Bucky nodded, looking around the corner into the long corridor. It didn’t sound like anyone was being tortured but they made sure to look in the rooms. No living bodies were inside them, just burnt out remains and cut up corpses that Bucky knew would paint his nightmares for years to come. “Come on.” He motioned and they moved into the smaller space. Once at the end he peaked up through the glass panels, seeing maybe ten officers? That was doable. 

“How we looking?” Dum Dum was to short to see. 

“10 maybe 15 people, think you can do that?” He asked the gunmen and they all nodded. 

“Two each? Is that an insult Cap?” One whisper shouted and he laughed. 

“Lets go for it.” He turned, opening the doors as discreetly as possible. A couple of people turned and were gunned down from his left. Bucky led them straight for the main doors, shooting at anyone who lined up. He pointed to a couple of jeeps, getting the injured inside them with one driver for both vehicles. They got the doors open with minimal fuss, scouting before sending them out. A few guards shouted but were quickly shot, the ability to call removed from them in seconds. Bucky Led them through the forest, spotting and taking out the people posted outside. 

“Cap you want in the trees?” Dum Dum came up to him, clapping his shoulder. 

“Yeah. Take over.” Bucky attached the gun to his back and clambered up the wall, jumping over to a tree and scanning from there, keeping up with the group as another sniper joined onto the other side, watching the way they moved and looking out for enemies. 

***

“Camp!” The other in the trees shouted after a few hours of walking, climbing and driving. 

“Finally!” Jim called, the entire company speeding up at the idea of safety. 

*** 

The letter shook in his hands as the tears fell down onto the parchment. Steve didn’t think he had the ability to cry any more this week but fuck he did. 

Sargent Barnes has been taken as a prisoner of war,  
presumed dead,  
in the far west of the battle.

He couldn’t even concentrate on anything around him. He knew he was at Erskine surgery, he knew that Peggy should be near by but he couldn’t see anything over than those words; 

Presumed dead.

“Steve?” Peggy touched his shoulder and he jumped, sobbing and turning into her arms. She caught him, tugging him close but not really knowing what to do or why, until she saw the coat at the top of the page. “Oh Steve.” She hugged him closer as he shook. 

*** 

“Are you kidding me?” The base commander shouted as the convoy as they rolled in. Bucky dropped down from the tree at the same time as the other. 

“Nope.” He was gabbed by the other members into a hug and cheers of respect and joy. “Hey, get food and get the injured fixed.” He told them all and they moved over. 

“You did good Cap.” Dum Dum hugged him one last time and wandered towards the food hall.

“Cap?” The commander raised an eyebrow. 

“Captain. We got out of there. Now I need a pen, paper and water.” He filled in, pushing his hair back. 

“Capta? Fine.” The man shook his head, hands jumping over his head. “Paper in the main tent, you know the hall, I need to resend some letters.”

“Resend?” He grabbed the mans arm as he turned away. 

“I sent out the death letters Barnes.” He pointed out. Bucky was suddenly running towards his tent. He grabbed through the stuff, spilling everything in his path and grabbing at the pen pot when he spotted it. 

“What are you?” The man shouted as he drew it along his wrist. Steve’s name was spiders scrawl but the pen wouldn’t write. He shouted, throwing himself against the wall as he grabbed another. Nothing would write against his skin, regardless and he screamed wanting nothing more than to get the message across. He grabbed the knife on the table. 

It glinted in the evening light and he squeezed his eyes shut before carving a heart into his right wrist. It was wonky and deeper than he intended but it would get the message across. 

*** 

Steve squeaked as a tingling sensation ran over his wrist, pulling it into view as a heart carved its way into his skin. Peggy’s eyes went like dinner plates as Steve crumpled to the floor, cradling his arm as a new wave of tears slid down his cheeks. Something was there even if the letter broke him he knew that if Bucky was sending him messages it must mean he was ok. Right?”

*** 

Bucky scratched over the letter, telling him he would be home soon, telling him he loves him, telling him he hated being away, telling him not to worry. Signing with a flourish and handing it to the carrier and throwing the pen away. 

“Ye will be on the next shipment out.” Dum Dum stood in the doorway, plate laden with food. 

“Thank fuck.” Bucky huffed, slumping in his chair and grabbing for the food that was handed to him. “Thanks.”

“You're welcome Cap.” He chortled, dropping into the chair with a flask and a happy smile. “Feels good to be away from that hell hole.”

“One week was enough thanks.” Bucky chopped up the vegetables and ate them slowly, letting his stomach adjust. 

“They want us to go back, to blow up the system you know.” Bucky’s chewing faltered. 

“Get us in via air. We'll bomb it.” Bucky decided, finishing his drink. “I want it done by tonight.”

“Well you fit the Captain roll well.” Dum Dum joked, slamming his drink on the desk. 

“I try. I have a damn good reason to get home.” Bucky stood, grabbing his coat and pulling it on. 

“Lets get you back then.” He stood, hat on his head already as they left. 

*** 

“Are you ok Steve?” Peggy tipped his head up, blue eyes shining with something that took her breath away. 

“Yeah. I'm good.” He nodded, smiling breathtakingly at her, hand tight around his wrist. “Can I have a pen please?” 

“Of course.” She pulled one from her breast pocket and handed it over. Steve drew a heart in the pen between Bucky’s heart, linking the, together to tell him it was ok. 

“Thank you.” He handed it back and hopped up onto the chair. “Lets go.” He settled for the final dose of his serum. 

“That was a quick turn around.” Dr.Erskine commented, smiling at the young man in front of him. 

“Soulmate.” He threw the paper into his bag. “He'll be home soon.”

“I hope I'll meet him one day.” The Doctor patted his arm, drawing the first needle and settling into his job. 

“I'll bring him when I have check ups.” Steve winced but had to resist the want to swing his feet. 

*** 

“Cap!” Jim shouted as they neared the building in the jets. “Ready?”

“Roast them.” He called back and suddenly the world was silent bar the whistle of the bombs and the sudden explosions hundreds of metres below them. 

“We did it!” Dum Dum shouted as they turned the jets around. People joined in a chorus of cheers and Bucky laughed exhaustedly. 

“Well done men!” Bucky jumped up to the wall, hanging and whistling to get the groups attention. “Ready to go home?”

“Fuck yes. Three cheers for the Captain!” Someone shouted and they called out in unison. Bucky bowed playfully and sat back down. He couldn’t wait to be back. 

*** 

“Your boy home yet?” Steve looked up to find Peggy walking towards him, uniform perfect, not a hair out of place, red lipstick contrasting with the blue of her scrubs. 

“Hey Peggy. No waiting on him.” Steve smiled at the little girl who he was reading to in the hospital. “This is Peggy, she helped me when I was ill.”

“Hello young lady. And what's your name?” Peggy sat on the side of her bed. 

“Angela.” She nodded her head, causing the curls of her blond wig to bounce. 

“Haven't you got a beautiful smile Angela. You keeping Steve here out of trouble?” Peggy poked the girls cheek who giggled nodding. 

“Yeah I'll make sure he behaves.” She promised, reaching to hook her arms around Steve’s neck. 

“Good. I best be off. See you Steve, see you Angela.” Peggy waved and backed out of the children’s ward, smile lighting up the whole room. 

“She's pretty.” Angela told him as the door closed. 

“She is indeed.” Steve smiled at her, picking up the book again. 

“You should marry her.” She crossed her little arms over her chest. 

“I don’t think my boyfriend would like that very much.” He chuckled gently. 

“He should too.” She shrugged and Steve was taken aback “I mean she'd get both of you then.”

“I don’t think she would want that.” Steve tried to reason but she shook her head. 

“Why not? I've seen your boyfriend when he comes to pick you up, why wouldn’t she want that?” She poked his nose. 

“Angela do you have a crush on my boyfriend?” Steve raised an eyebrow and she blushed, hiding under the covers. “Oh you do? I can't have that!” He tickled her sides through the sheets and she was shrieking with laughter when her mother walked in. 

“Save me!” She giggled, wiggling away from Steve who relented when her mother laughed. 

“I think Steve isn’t a threat.” She straightened her daughters wig, handing Steve a hot chocolate from the machine down the hall. 

“He wants to stop me stealing his Boyfriend.” She grabbed the juice box. 

“Well I mean you'll have to fight me for him but…” The mother teased and Steve laughed loudly. 

“He's a terrible flirt.” Steve flicked his wrist at her. “He loves attention.”

“I've noticed.” She smiled warmly. “When's he home?”

“Waiting. Any day now.” He sighed happily, draining his drink. “I do have to go though. Be good Ange.” He leaned over to hug the girl who held him tight. 

“Bye Steve.” She squeezed him as he pulled away. 

***

The flat felt so empty. It had been three days since he heard from Bucky and everything felt wrong. The rooms span if he moved too quick, the cold never left and his vision kept blurring. He knew it was the soulmate sickness but he still hated it. 

He paced around, trying to clean what he had obsessively cleaned three times this week. He wanted to scream and throw things and rip his hair out he was going crazy on his own. The shout he let out echoed back at him and that honestly didn’t help. He slammed the door to his bedroom, throwing himself face first into the pillows with vigour. 

***

“Do I need to attach a bell to the door? You didn’t even hear me come in.” Steve looked up from the pillows he had been sleeping in to Bucky stood in the doorway. Steve threw himself from the bed and into Bucky’s waiting arms, being caught easily with a chuckle. “Stevie.”

“Bucky.” Steve buried his face into the crook of Bucky’s neck, clutching tighter than strictly necessary. He felt the other squeeze him and breathe in his scent, tension leaking from his tired bones. He carried them over to the bed, sitting down with the blond in his lap. 

“Fuck I've missed you.” Bucky hummed into his shoulder, turning to kiss the skin of his neck. Tears pricked his eyes as he curled his fingers into the fabric of his shirt. Literally Steve was wearing his shirt, and that made everything a little bit better. 

“You have no idea.” Steve kissed over his cheek, sighing contently as Bucky pulled back enough to stare him in the face. He had a split lip, bruising up his left cheek and neck, hair much longer than when he left, but it was the edge to his eyes that caught Steve off guard. 

“What happened Stevie?” He pressed, drawing further back, hand still on the small of Steves spine but far more calculating. 

“With me or all over?” Steve chewed on his lip, watching the eyebrow quirk up. “A couple of things.” He pulled his arms back from around the others neck, fiddling with the ends of his fingers. “I, I, I got treatment. I shouldn’t get ill, if I do it shouldn’t kill me either.” He smiled and watched a wave of emotions cross the face in front of him. “And Ma.” He stuttered. “Ma died.”

“What?” The word came as a breath and Steve watched his lower lip tremble. “When?” 

“A couple of months back.” Steve looked back at his hands. “The hospital was attacked, it exploded and she didn’t. She didn’t get out.” He sobbed, watching the tears slide down his soulmates face. 

“And you dealt without me?” Bucky was close to screaming and he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, blinking up at the ceiling. 

“You were in a dangerous place Bucky. I couldn’t risk you getting hurt because you were grieving.” Steve pressed his hand to the mans face. “I couldn’t risk loosing you too.” 

“But Stevie.” Bucky looked back at him. “I'm so sorry.” He pulled him closer, feeling the new muscle definition there but choosing to let that go for the minuet. 

“Your Father came, and your sisters came over and we made cakes. I had people, it's not you, but it was people.” He kissed his shoulder, legs starting to go numb from sitting with them tucked under him either side of the others waist. 

“I'm glad. Doesn't mean I don’t hate that I wasn’t there.” Bucky shook his head, twisting to finally capture Steve’s lips. The sigh that came out with it relaxed both of them, twisting perfectly until Steve opened his mouth to allow the other to taste him. He was so sweet after the saltiness of the food on camp that Bucky’s moan may have been louder than he intended, the way his hands gripped to thighs next to him slightly bruising, but dear god Steve didn’t mind. He rutted against the body underneath him, breathing sharp, no wheezing which made him smirk, shoving Bucky back so he could crowd over his body. Bucky smirked when his neck was attacked, kisses and nibbles making him whimper as Steve attempted to keep his hands pinned to his sides. 

 

“You're here now Buck.” Steve felt the fight leave the others body and relaxed his hold, trailing his hands over the sharp angles on Bucky’s face. 

“I love you Stevie.” Bucky’s smiled at him, his own hands cradling the the back of Steve’s head. 

“I love you Bucky.” He responded, smile and happy tears sliding down his face as he kissed him gently, breathing out over his lips as his fingers undid the front of his uniform, pushing it away to ruck up the shirt and stoke bare skin. 

“You have no idea how much I've missed hearing that.” Bucky pulled Steve’s (his) shirt over his head, dragging rough hands over smooth skin and moaning as he kissed down skinny shoulders. “You've filled out.” He pushed Steve up into sitting position and watched as skin with a healthy amount of fat, and even muscle, moved without being able to fit his finger in the grooves of his ribs. His collar bones were still prominent, but wouldn’t take your eye out if you landed on him. He looked alive. He looked well. It threw Bucky off completely. 

“You like it?” Steve was getting self conscious after five minuets of Bucky staring and stroking him. He wanted to wrap his arms around himself and find some way to cover up. 

“I leave and you end up like this?” Bucky sighed, pressing a hand to his hip and not being able to feel each ridge in the bone. “I should have gone years ago.”

“Buck.” Steve undid the shirt Bucky was wearing and winced at the bruising, the bones sticking out from bad diet and malnutrition, the obvious pain there. “Never leave again?”

“I don’t intend to.” Bucky shook his head and sat up, throwing the upper layers of scratchy clothing away and pulling Steve down against him, head on his chest, curled like he used to. “Sorry I’m not so cuddly.”

“You're perfect.” Steve told him, settling down and drawing patterns on his ribs, trying to avoid the bruising. 

“That’s you Stevie.” He shook his head, lying back and closing his eyes slowly. 

“No its not.” He calmed down, relishing the warmth of the body under him and they both drifted off quickly. 

“Always has been.” He yawned in defiance and curled his arms tighter. 

 

*** 

 

“Buck?” Steve sniffed, feeling the cold sheets underneath him. He sat up, rubbing his eyes only to notice to actually was still dark. There was a clatter in the bathroom and he got up suddenly, dragging his feet until he saw the door ajar. “Bucky?”

“Go away Steve.” His voice was strained and Steve could hear him wheezing from the hallway. 

“No Buck whats wrong?” Steve put his hand on the door and suddenly he sniffed, whining as he smacked his head against the cold tiles. 

“Go back to bed Stevie, its ok.” He hiccuped at the end and Steve pushed into the room. It was a mess, pill bottles and creams from the cabinet over the floor scattered around   
Bucky who was leaning agaisnt the wall, curled into the side of the bath and shaking. He had nothing but pants on and even then his skin was filmy with sweat. 

“No its not.” He knelt down and noticed the tear tracks over the others face. He reached to brush the hair back from his eyes and resisted the urge to whimper when Bucky jerked away from him. “What is it Buck?” Steve sat opposite him to his side, reaching out slowly to touch his hand. 

“I just. I can't get the faces out of my head.” He groaned, eyes red and refusing to meet Steve’s gaze. “Every time I close my eyes there they are screaming. All the ones we weren’t fast enough to save.” He shook his head, dropping it down between his shoulders as he hunched over himself.

“Come here.” Steve pulled him against his chest and let him cry, clinging to his dressing gown and sobbing hard enough to mess with the relaxing rocking that he was trying to do. “You did so well Bucky, you saved so many.” He kissed the crown of his head as he sniffed again, fisting the material tightly. 

“But that’s not good enough.” He murmured, pulling as close as he could and ignoring the pain in his arm at the movement. 

“Yes it is. What you did was amazing Bucky.” Steve pulled his face back, cradling it in his hands and staring into his eyes which were red and swimming. “You saved so many people and you took out the entire base. You did good.”

“Ok.” He nodded and closed his eyes, leaning into the hands gently. 

“I love you Bucky.” Steve cradled him close, humming into his hair. 

“I love you so much Stevie.” He shuddered against his body and sighed. “You’ll catch a cold sat on the bathroom floor.” 

“Not any more.” Steve kissed his hair with a small smile. “We can stay here all night.” 

“Thank you.” He nodded, curling closer.

 

*** 

 

They didn’t stay there all night. After Bucky’s legs cramped enough for him to start crying they both hobbled over to their bedroom and Steve massaged the muscles until they relaxed again, curling up on his soulmates chest contently. 

“At what point did you become a superhero?” Bucky yawned, fingers gliding through his hair rhythmically. 

“Not long after you left. It went really well,I have check ups twice a year but I should be good for life.” He looked up, blinking at the tired lines of the others face. “Im just average as opposed to broken now.” 

“You were always far beyond any form of average Baby.” Bucky leaned down to kiss him and hummed against his lips. “You are perfect.”

“I've never been perfect.” Steve shook his head and Bucky growled under his breath. 

“You are the only thing that kept me alive Stevie. You are completely perfect. And you fit perfectly in my arms, you kiss me perfectly, you always smell so good, you are perfect even with your sassy mouth.” Bucky was babbling with his eyes closed and it made Steve smile into the semi darkness. 

“I love you James.” Steve nuzzled into his chest. 

“Love you Steven.” He murmured, arms dropping slightly as he fell back asleep. 

 

*** 

“James!” Both girls ran at him, jumping and he caught them with ease. He spun them around, giggles and screeches filling the air as they clung to him. 

“Hello girls, look how big you are! How am I still lifting you?” He teased, blowing raspberries on both cheeks. 

“Because you're a superhero!” Becca shouted, little fists raised in the air as Buckys head tipped back in a deep chesty laugh. 

“So what is my super super secret super hero name?” He sat on the couch and they had a leg each as his father leaned against the doorframe to the front room, Steve in a similar position against the kitchen door, waiting for the kettle to boil. 

“Was it cold where you were?” She poked his cheek as he nodded. 

“It was frozen.” He shivered, the girls thinking it was for effect but Steve saw the grimace was real. 

“And you were a soldier?” She bought her hand to her lips thoughtfully. 

“I came home a Captain.” He smiled at his father who raised an eyebrow, impressed enough to nod.

“Captain frozen!” She giggled. “Or Elsa.”

“I am not Elsa!” He dove in tickling her sides as the younger laughed at them both, clapping along. 

“They called you The Winter Soldier.” His father pointed out, talking the coffee from Steve and sitting in the arm chair. 

“They?” Bucky smiled at his Soulmate as a coffee mug was placed on the table in front of him. 

“The papers. Is Captain an official rank?” He pulled the latest paper from his bag, the front page being about the Howling Commandos and The Winter Soldier.

“It was adopted by the Commandos after the first one died.” Bucky mused, picking up the paper and frowning at how many men in the picture didn’t come home. It was taken before they were captured clearly. 

“I suppose it sort of is then.” He smiled and Becca pointed at the picture. 

“Who that?” 

“Dum Dum, great man, likes hats.” He told her, resting his chin on her head. Her hand moved slightly. “Jim.”

“I feel we'll be here a while.” Steve chuckled as Becca kept asking for details. 

 

*** 

“You ok?” Steve walked out of the kitchen and into the front room once the family had gone and saw Bucky sat in the chair, staring at nothing but looking downright miserable.

“Why didn’t my mother come? You were told I was dead, does she really not care enough to make sure her only son was alive?” He finally looked over and Steve noticed the tears in his eyes, threatening to spill so he rushed to his side, wrapping his arms around his head when Bucky buried himself into his stomach. 

“Its hard after so long Bucky.” He leant down to kiss the top of his head. “She may not know how to approach the situation.”

“But. I want her to. I want her back Steve.” He looked up and sucked his bottom lip in. “Oh god I’m sorry.”

“No no no.” He pulled him back when Bucky tried to move away. “You have her here and you are more than welcome to have her in your life Buck, you know I love you, therefore I love your family by extension, I don’t resent you for having your mother alive at all, I just want her to grow up.” He smiled sadly, kneeling and pushing the long bangs from Bucky’s face. 

“I love you Stevie.” Bucky sniffled.

“I love you too Bucky Bear.” Steve teased but drew him into a long kiss anyway, lips pressing so gently that Bucky actually whimpered. 

“Will you help me?” Bucky whispered, grey eyes desperately searching Steve’s blue orbs. 

“Of course Buck. I'm with you to the end of the line.” He smiled like a dope and Bucky snorted despite himself.

“Jerk.”

“Punk.”


End file.
